“What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What Lies Inside

“My choice was the culmination of many years of pain!”  Ryan Schwab said with his characteristic, steely gaze.

Sometimes It’s hard to know where internal determination comes from.  And, up to this moment, all I knew was that from the first instant I met Ryan, personal resolve radiated from him.

“I’ve always been an athlete.”  Ryan continued.  “I love playing team and personal sports.  I loved sports so much that I allowed injury to go unhealed.  This became a great problem for me over time!”

I could see the sincerity in Ryan’s eyes as he spoke.  And, he became the personification of what Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.”

“One day, I just knew that I needed to take a hard look inside.”  Ryan explained.  “I had an amazing wife and children. Their faces were there, inside of me, tattooed on my heart.  It was the first time something, someone, was able to supplant the past and move into first position in my life!  I knew I had to let the pain of the past go, to stop allowing it to control my life.  I chose them!  I chose what lies inside of me!”

To say that this one moment was the totality of Ryan’s decision would be to sell his internal strength short; not allow the fullness of his internal strength to shine.  Here’s how he stokes what lies inside, so it continues to grow and give him strength.

First, Ryan schedules personal time with his wife and kids.  For example, they sat down and created a plan to schedule specific adventures with a purpose.  They spend their vacation time in international locations, so their view of the world is continually expanding.

Second, Ryan choses to give back.  He does so by coaching others, one-on-one.  He says, “Others have allowed me to develop internal fortitude and it means a lot to me to do the same thing for people who have faced the same challenges I’ve faced.

Third, Ryan keeps his eyes focused on the inside.  “I learned early on that there is never just one decision point!  So, it is essential for me to spend a few moments at the beginning of every day to dig deep.  To remind myself that the strength to have a future with my wife and children is already within me!”

Finally, Ryan practices shielding.  “I don’t allow what people, those living on my outside, to alter who I am on the inside.  I know who is in my heart!”

That statement was our conversation’s capstone, Ryan’s life defining statement, the demonstration of his deep-dive-understanding that true power lies within.

“My choice was the culmination of many years of pain!”  Ryan Schwab said with his characteristic, steely gaze.

Sometimes It’s hard to know where internal determination comes from.  And, up to this moment, all I knew was that from the first instant I met Ryan, personal resolve radiated from him.  

Now, Ryan has taught you and me that we too can know that, what lies behind us and what lies in front of us, pales in comparison to what lies inside of us.

The Water in Which you Swim

“The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible.” Arthur C. Clarke

The Water in Which you Swim

“I saw a scene of myself as a teenager, ill at home on the exact day I was to compete in the state championship.”  Nyle said as he talked about his journey into time-fluidity, the water in which he had been swimming.

Nyle Rdleif was speaking of his almost lifelong process of looking inside deeply enough to find his personal gifts.  A process he describes as, “remembering what I wanted to do with my life.”

“By the time I was sixty years old I was living with the constant feeling that I ought to be in a much better position.  For some reason I couldn’t accept the gifts I had received in my life.  I lived in a comfortable home.  I never went without enough food to eat.  I drove a dependable car.  I was living in a state that Marilynne Robinson describes as ‘joyless urgency.’”  Nyle continued.

So, he decided to search in a different place, a different way.  In different waters. He needed to free himself from both his current calendar and business, both of which had made him comfortable both physically and economically.  

“I had learned to only experience time as a measuring stick, a ruler, and it had destroyed my joy!”  He said.

This vision of seeing and using time differently allowed him to discover something unthought of, by him, up to then.  He knew that he could stop allowing time to rule his every moment.  He would begin to use it fluidly, see life in a broader scope; view his lifetime in totality.  And, this transformed use of time allowed him to discover something he describes as “magical.”

“Once I cleared my mind, I immediately began to experience the power of broad-view-memory.  It was like standing on top of a high mountain, being able to see a clear view in every direction at once!  Most importantly, time-fluidity allowed me to begin to see my natural gifts, what had given me true joy and how to savor the moment.”

Here are Nyle’s suggestions to living fluidly.

Note your patterns of dealing with personal fear.  “I found that there were several occasions where I had sabotaged my own success because I wanted to avoid having to perform under pressure.  I was so afraid of it that I’d make myself ill from worry.”  Once he saw that he was the one controlling his own outcomes he knew he could create the outcomes he really wanted.  He calls this “creating the gateway of conveying his gifts to the world.”

Embrace your unique gifts.  “I’m not good at everything!”  Nyle says.  “It took a fluidity tour to see what I naturally gravitated to.  I found that I was a talented teacher.  But, I didn’t want to be school teacher, so I never moved in that direction.  Now, I can use my teaching skills consciously in creative ways.  It is allowing me to change the way I position myself through my established business.”

Look for magical events to unfold.  “Now that I’m following my heart and consciously sharing my unique talents, gifts, new kinds of opportunities are coming in an almost magical fashion!  I think it’s because I’m establishing new living patterns based on my strengths.”

Nye’s ability to rely on his distinctive strengths means he is able to overcome his fears more and more.

“I saw a scene of myself as a teenager, ill at home on the exact day I was to compete in the state championship.”  Nyle said as he taught about his journey into time-fluidity. Now he’s consciously creating the outcomes he really wants.

He’s teaching us that “The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible” just as futurist Arthur C. Clarke said.

Coming to Life

“I change with each expressive stroke and the painting comes into being; into life!” – Scott White

Coming to Life

“I began drawing when I was much younger.”  Scott White said as he walked into the Gallery on the Square.

His eyes darted from painting to painting; seemingly drinking in the brush strokes, the paint itself, the canvas and even the frames.  It all seemed to expand the twinkle in his eyes into a bright fire.  The art, his art and the art created by others, was clearly consuming his soul as if the fire-twinkle in his eyes was spreading into every other portion of his being.  But it wasn’t always that way.

“I quit drawing when my wife and I began having children.  It just seemed as if my children and my work were consuming my entire life.  Then, one day, my Pastor gave me an invitation.”

Scott’s Pastor knows him well.  He even recognized a burning ember hiding inside of him.

“I’m preparing a sermon series based on the Lord’s Prayer.”  Scott’s Pastor said to him one day.  “I’d like to have an artist create a painting for each portion.  Would you be willing to create some complimentary art to go along with it?”

Scott was a little perplexed by this invitation at first and replied, “You know my emphasis in painting is abstract, right?”

“Yes.”  His Pastor said with a matching, abstract grin.

“Well, I don’t quite know how this all fits, but I’ll give it a try.”  Scott said out of respect.

A few days later he picked up his brushes, after allowing the invitation fan a spark inside.  Then, when he made his first attempt at painting again, it was as if those brushes fanned the artistic ember within into a living flame and a new way of approaching life.

“I start out with an idea.”  Scott says of his approach.  “I put brush to canvas and the art seems to spark to life.  It isn’t so much that the painting paints itself.  It’s more like a partnership, the process of creating the painting reveals me!  The painting and I come to life together.  I change with each expressive stroke and the painting comes into being; to life!”

Scott’s ability to recognize this process is also reflective in the way he displays his work.  He arranges his work by phase. 

“The problem is that we’re running out of wall space in our house!”  He says with a chuckle.  “My work has changed over the years.  So, we’ve arranged my paintings in phases.  My work has morphed over the years and it just keeps growing.”

The role of his art has also grown in his life.  He’s still working at his “day job” now.  He paints as a hobby.  But, he’s looking forward to the day when his living experience completely shifts.

“I’m 65 now.”  He confides.  “I hope to flip my use of time to the creation of art first, with my job taking up less and less of my time.  It’s all because of one invitation.  That invitation from my Pastor.”

That sermon series based on the Lord’s Prayer was fully supported by complimentary paintings created by Scott.

“The combination of the Lord’s Prayer and my painting was the start of a new way of living for me; a more fulfilling approach to life.  Now I don’t let my preconceived notions rule the way I move into my future.  I relish the process of living my way forward by receiving each moment and living it as it happens; as it comes to life!”  Scott said, as the fire in his eyes brightened and he finished his story.

“I began drawing when I was much younger.”  Scott White said when he walked into the Gallery on the Square.

His eyes darted from painting to painting; seemingly drinking in the brush strokes, the paint itself, the canvas and even the frames.  It all seemed to expand the twinkle in his eyes into a bright fire.  The art, his art and the art created by others, was clearly consuming his soul as if the fire-twinkle in his eyes was spreading into every other portion of his being.  Because it has.  But, it’s more than that.

His art is an invitation for him.  An invitation for him to come to life!

From Broken to Beautiful

“There are times when I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be healed!” – Gordon Harold

From Broken to Beautiful

“There are times when I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be healed!” He said to me.

The words were like a vice on my heart!  I knew what he’d been going through and I yearned for relief.  For him to have respite from his pain!

In this particular case the healing he needed was not physical, though there are aspects of his agony I watched affect his health.  What was really happening was an unrelenting emotional trauma.  Such seems to be endemic during our time.

In another time, during my childhood, my mother taught me a lesson about chickens.

“Why does that chicken have so many feathers missing?” I asked my mother as we stood looking at chickens in a yard near her Paragonah, Utah childhood home.

“One chicken starts to pick at another and soon all begin to pick at her.  Once they start, they often pick at her until she dies!”  My mother said, with sadness interwoven through her words.

That was just after she told me where the name Paragonah came from.  As a settlement, Paragonah was first known as Red Creek, but the name was later changed to Paragoonah and then Paragonah. There are conflicting sources as to the name's precise meaning, I’ve heard at least one other meaning, but the consensus is that it is of Southern Paiute origin meaning red water.  My mother explained that when it rains, which is not often, the flowing water picks up the red soil as it runs, turning the water red.  And, because she taught me both lessons at about the same time, I’ve always associated “hen-pecked” chickens and Paragonah together.  

I’ll never forget the feeling of despair and horror I felt as I watched that poor hen-pecked chicken running and running just to get away from her numerous attackers. It seemed to me that blood would soon be dripping from the victim-hen just as the red water sometimes flowed in that same town.

As my friend told me of his pain this childhood vision of chickens in Paragonah rushed into the forefront of my mind.  Luckily, my mother was kind enough to teach me that there could be more than one ending to the pain of a hen-pecked chicken.

“Once they start,” she continued, “they’ll often stay at her until she dies.  Once chickens smell blood they often turn cannibalistic.  But, we’re here and can offer a better solution.”

She went on to tell me that the better solution is to simply intercede on the victim’s behalf.

“We can go in there and remove her! If we do that and put her in a safe place where she can be nourished and cared for, she’ll regain her strength and her feathers will once again flourish after a time.”  She explained.  “Sometimes she can be reintroduced back into the flock.  Sometimes she can’t.  That’s not what matters right now.  What matters is that we can offer her respite!”

“I can offer him respite!”  I said to myself, as my flight with the chicken memory ended.

“There are times when I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be healed!” Gordon said to me.

“I understand!”  I said with warmth in my voice. “The first thing for you to know is that I’ve gone through what you’re experiencing.  You’re not alone!  I’m here for you!  It will take some time, but we can walk together from broken to beautiful!”

Know that when your feathers have been pecked away by the flocks of chickens in your life, and you feel as if the red water of Paragonah is rushing all over you, you can go from broken to beautiful again.  It will take time and refuge, but it can happen when you accept the respite offered by good friends and family.