“His pull on the leash was strong.  So strong, that I could feel something extra, a tug up my arm and into my heart.  It caused me to think of something previously unthought of.”

Too Much Your Own

It was a bright, somewhat cool, and breezy Sunday morning.  I was out with Harry Pupper, walking one of our regular routes across rolling hills, around flowing streams, over grass and through mature trees.  He was exhilarated, darting from side to side, from one edge of the path to the other, happily zipping with his nose to the grass, tugging.  His pull on the leash was strong.  So strong, that I could feel something extra, a tug up my arm and into my heart.  It caused me to think of something previously unthought of.

As soon as the forbidden thought crossed my mind I looked around.  There was not one person in sight.  So, I bent over, asked him to come to me, and released the leash from his harness.  He flew off!

I watched as the speed in his legs allowed him to float across the ground.  The speed of his zigs and zags increased as he ran free.  He was smiling!

I was also smiling.  His frolic was joyous to behold.  It seemed as if we were more deeply connected.  With all his running, with all his new-found freedom, he was still watching me.  So, I tested our connection.

Harry ran to the right, just up a little rise.  I walked to the left, listening.  Expecting.

Within a couple of seconds, I heard him coming toward me like a freight train!  I laughed out loud as he ran in huge circles around me; as if he had herded me into his control.  Then, he stopped.  He was tired.  His tongue lolled outside of his open, panting mouth and I asked him to come to me.

I connected his leash back to his harness and thought of Oliver Burkeman’s words, “You can grasp the truth that power over your time isn’t something best horded entirely for yourself: that your time can be too much your own.”

Our time is meant to be shared with the others around us.  Not just our time, but our talents and gifts as well.  Yet, the sharing of all three, by letting ourselves be free from our own self-connected leashes, can introduce us to some of our most frightening moments.  My friend Aubrey Patterson confessed this very thing to me earlier in the week while having dinner with her husband Aaron and me.

“One of the scariest things I’ve ever done was to run for city council!  But, I wanted to get to give more to the people of our city and learn from those we live with.  I’m more than just a professional teacher.  I’m a learner as well and I’m just taking one step after another, in faith.” She said as we discussed her current campaign for the state legislature.  Then, her husband Aaron followed her comments with his own words.

“I thought of her life long experience and education.  It allowed me to see that she has been preparing for this her whole life!”

“Your time isn’t something best horded entirely for yourself: that your time can be too much your own.” Oliver Burkeman’s words echoed in my mind again.  

Perhaps you and I have also been prepared, through our life’s long experience and education, to connect more deeply to others as well, by offering our time, talents and gifts freely, unfettered by the binding leash of our own fear of the unknown.  If so, we may also desire to follow the example of the short-legged dog, Harry Pupper.

Once, the forbidden thought of releasing the latch of Harry’s leash crossed my mind and I released the clasp from his harness.  He flew!

I witnessed the speed of his legs allow him to fly across the ground.  The quickness of his zigs and zags increased as he ran free.  He was smiling!  We were smiling.  His frolic was joyous to behold.  And, we became more deeply connected than ever before.  

Such freedom, joy and connection with others can only be experienced when we allow ourselves to take one step at a time, in faith, away from the leash holding us to fear.

Sometimes, we can be too much our own.

“It is a mistake to look too far ahead.  Only one link of the chain of destiny can be handled at a time.”  - Winston Churchill

The Chain of Destiny

“I have a son here.” – Derald Anderson said.

“Our grandkids are here.” Alicia Short agreed.

Both have a reason, a link, a plan for today and tomorrow.

Planning for the future is important.  That’s for sure.  When planning for the future, people often concentrate their efforts on what they want to accomplish in their work, or what they want to be able to purchase.  It is focused on self.  Yet, Derald and Alicia laid bare another kind of planning for the future related to humankind's greatest asset.  The human asset.

People are the creators of value.  After all, without people there would be no one to manufacture goods for.  No one to create art for.  No one to appreciate natural beauty.  Perhaps that why most people live in a congregated environment, assembling themselves in cities, large and small.  Such amalgamation is the most efficient way to personally benefit from the unique individual skills offered by other people.

It’s also a showcase of hopes and dreams.  A place where a person can frequently observe new, personally unthought of, potential futures just by watching what other people have or are already doing.  It all works together to allow all participants to conjure new mental pathways for dreaming the way into a better personal future.  Yet, Derald and Alicia are participating in a different kind of planning for the future.

They have decided to consciously forego many of the more alluring benefits offered by a solely unipersonal form of planning.  They have discovered the power of living now, in what Winston Churchill called ‘the chain of destiny.”  They’ve discovered the power of Multigenerational Link Strengthening.

Multigenerational Link Strengthening is planning for the future, beyond the unipersonal.  And, it requires the mastery of at least four critical interlocking qualities to succeed.

First, see beyond yourself.  Look to become closer to the younger, contemporary and older people you love the most.  Concentrate on giving of yourself to them.  Help them meet their own personal goals and dreams by participating with them each day.  In short, give them your greatest asset, your time.

Second, interact with tomorrow, within the current moment.  We’re talking about more than one current moment and more than one future here.  For example, if you are actively engaged in seeing beyond yourself with another person, you have effectively doubled the current moment and the coming future, right now.  Think about it.  Consider its possibilities.

Third, create stronger interpersonal relationships.  The Chain of Destiny is strengthened one link at a time.  Winston Churchill said, “It is a mistake to look too far ahead.  Only one link of the chain of destiny can be handled at a time.”  If you truly want to have greater success, focus on one relationship, in the current moment.

Finally, glimpse an unseen, yet participatory-planned-future.  Alicia and Derald have chosen to focus their current moments with younger loved ones.  Alicia once told me, “My greatest joy is to see the growth of my grandkids, moment by moment.  Sometimes they offer me a glimpse of what they’re capable of, what they’re becoming.  It is the most satisfying thing I could ever imagine!  It allows me to feel expanded, part of something much greater and longer lasting than my individual, short life span could ever offer.”

“I have a son here.” – Derald Anderson said.

“Our grandkids are here.” Alicia Short agreed.

They are living a participatory-planned-future, one link at a time. Both have firm grip on the Chain of Destiny.

Attention Manifestation Muscle

 

“When I saw that my wife had received new two job offers on the same day, I thought, Isn’t the Universe amazing!” – Abhi Golhar

Attention Manifestation Muscle

Abhi Golhar, international real estate investor, author and renowned speaker, and I walked out of the San Diego Convention Center together.  He was rushing forward, on his way to the airport.  On his way home, to Atlanta.  We were walking hurriedly because our conversation was soaring on and we didn’t want him to miss his flight.

By the time we got to the curb his Uber was waiting.  He got in the car and we waived farewell.  Not goodbye.

Since that November day we’ve talked on the phone a few times. Up until four days ago, when he told me that something exciting had happened.

“I can be in Atlanta tomorrow by about five p.m.”  I said on our last call.  “Can you have dinner with me?”

“I’ll rearrange my schedule.”  He responded.

The next day I flew to Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport to meet him.  As soon as the plane’s wheels touched down I fingered a text to Abhi. 

“Landed.”

And, a few walking-minutes later he pulled his car to the curb at Red S5 and I climbed in so we could drive to a local brewery, enjoy some dinner and talk.  Now he was the one flying, in excitement.

“When I saw that my wife (Vanessa Engineer) had received two new job offers on the same day, I thought, Isn’t the Universe amazing!” He said excitedly.  “It was a manifestation of what she said to me many years ago.  In fact, these job offers have exceeded her dreams!”

Then he went on to reveal how you and I can strengthen what he calls the human “Attention Manifestation Muscle.”

“First,” He teaches, “Take time to dream.  When my relationship with Vanessa was just beginning, many years ago, we spent many dreamy hours together learning about each other’s hopes and imaginings.  It was part of a deepening exercise which strengthened our relationship.  This bonding time was more than just the beginning of our personal connection.  It also created our future in a way we’re just now beginning to understand!”

Abhi remembers Vanessa’s dreams quite vividly. His ability, to catalog her early expressions, has allowed him to see them come to life in the form of recognizable manifestations years later.  Now he anticipates their occurrence. He watches for them to appear.

Second, Abhi counsels, “Seek new opportunities.  In order to develop yourself into the person you dream of you need to have a reason to do so.  Vanessa wants to help other people become and stay healthy.  For example, over the past two years she’s been fully engaged in studying COVID-19 for the CDC, because she’s committed to helping people with their current, pressing, health needs.  The complexity of this virus has motivated her to look for additional, unknown, ways to meet this and other new challenges.”

Third, learn from others.  Abhi says, “As you’re looking for new opportunities, analyze your strengths and weaknesses.  This will allow you to detect available opportunities you can hone in on.  Ask yourself, what have others not yet discovered?  Is there something you’re especially suited to because of your background and experience?”

Finally, form partnerships.  “While you’re actively working to bring your dreams to life, form partnerships.  Ask, are there are some things I can’t do alone?  Involving others can help speed up your process.  If you’re smart about who you partner with, this can make a difference.”  He said with his charming, boyish grin.  After all, we were talking about his core partnership, his marriage.

He didn’t say it, but as we conversed I couldn’t help but think, “Perhaps forming partnerships, teaming up with the right partner, augments a person’s personal growth and helps them to flex their Attention Manifestation Muscle more rapidly,” as I thought of what Abhi and Vanessa have accomplished together as partners, including the publishing of a joint book in 2019, “Healthy Passive Income: A Fun, Disciplined Investment Methodology for Busy Healthcare Professionals.”

With that thought, I glanced at my watch.  It told me that it was now my turn to rush forward, to be on my way to the airport.  To make my way home.  So, we began walking hurriedly toward his car, our conversation still soaring, as we didn’t want me to miss my flight.

In little time we arrived at the airline drop-off curb, having made a full circle back to the airport.  Then, I got out the car and we waived farewell with smile; not goodbye, as I began to walk forward briskly, toward taking flight toward new heights.  

Because, these four principles will help everyone grow their own Attention Manifestation Muscles so they reach new heights.

Living the Dream

“What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?” Tom Grunnick (From the movie Broadcast News, 1987)

Living the Dream

“How did your meeting go with the CEO today?” I said through my telephone to Christina Johnson.

I made the call to Christina because I was excited to hear more about her success.  As a member of the global “product team” for a major corporation, she had discovered a mind-blowing problem.  It was an issue that had already cost her company more than four-million-dollars over the past six months alone.  So, the CEO of her company wanted to meet her personally, to find out how she had discovered this systems weakness.  It was an exciting moment in Christina’s career!

“It went well.”  She responded with uncertainty.  “I didn’t answer her questions as well as I should have.  I could have done better!”

“Wait a minute!” Came out of my mouth immediately.  “I’m sure you did just fine.”

“I’m just always looking to improve, to see what I can be doing better.”  She continued.

“But, you need to give yourself a chance to celebrate your success!”  I suggested.

“When you started with the company in a warehouse out, far away from corporate headquarters did you ever dream of having the CEO ask you to personally come to advise her?  Not only have you saved your company millions of dollars, you’ve grown into someone who is highly respected and admired!  You found something that thousands of others didn’t!”

“When I started,” She answered, “I thought that perhaps I could grow to become the manager of the warehouse where I worked.  I never dreamed I’d ever be in my current position. I didn’t even know it existed!  I’ve never thought about that.  Until now.”

“Living the Dream.”  I robotically heard inside my head; thinking of the thousands of times my acquaintances had responded, in this way, when asked how they were doing.  It’s a sardonic way of telling the person making the query that they are simply getting by and working toward finding success.  Which sparked another memory of a statement made by the fictional character Tom Grunnick from the 1987 movie, Broadcast News.

“What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?”

“What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?” I queried internally, again, during the silent pause Christina and I were experiencing during that moment of inaudible assessment.

Breaking the silence, I said, “Take time to really savor this experience!  Relish it!  Recognize it for what it is.  Your life exceeding your dreams!”

We are living finite lives.  Not one of us will live forever.  Wouldn’t it be a shame to let our personal miracles, living our dreams, pass by without even the slightest acknowledgement, appreciation, or cherishing a sense of accomplishment?

Dreaming is not uncommon.

Living your dream is uncommon.

“What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?”

Savor this experience!  Relish it!  Recognize it for what it is; living your dream!

Giving Up

“You have to choose a few things, sacrifice everything else, and deal with the inevitable sense of loss that results.” – Sylvia Keesmaat

Giving up

“I remember being in my office late one night.  It was around 11:30 pm and I had just ended a phone call.  It was a call that informed me that the transaction I’d been working on, fretting over, and losing sleep over had just failed.  With the touch of my finger I ended the call.  Then I slumped forward, placed my hands under my head and felt a rush of relief.  I was so tired!  I was grateful to have this transaction fail!”  Sara Devereaux said as we talked.

It was a memorable conversation.  Perhaps it was so memorable because many of us can relate to this feeling.  It is a feeling that is best described as living in the land between.

The land between is a place where one is living an overwhelmed life.  A life filled with seeking as many efficiencies and conveniences as possible; a life of pursuing achievement.  It can often also be described as living with undermined meaning.

Sylvia Keesmaat decided to follow a hunch that her overwhelmed life, necessitated by a never-ending need for more and more efficiencies, could come to an end, so she abandoned her full-time university position in Toronto. Then she moved with her husband and children to a farm to a different kind a land between.  It was a farm in an area of Ontario known as the “Land Between.”  It is a place where each winter day begins by lighting a fire that will warm their farmhouse and provide heat for cooking.

I’m not saying that such a lifestyle change is superior to the kind with central heating, takeout food and twice-daily commutes.  And, not everyone has the option of chasing Sylvia’s chosen path. Yet, I am trying to point out that she made this choice because she decided to make time for what matters to her.  In order to do so she had to give things up.

“You have to choose a few things, sacrifice everything else, and deal with the inevitable sense of loss that results.” Sylvia said.

In this sense, giving up doesn’t mean quitting.  It means the opposite. It means you have to choose a few things and sacrifice everything else.  It means to stop living in the land between; a place where you’re continually overwhelmed by even the smallest of tasks so you can be filled up.  Filled up with meaning and joy.  And, there is an art to living life, by giving up.  

Here is my attempt at painting such a life “by the numbers.”

First. Stop imagining that you will find room for everything important.  The vast majority of time management and self-help experts focus on fitting more and more in.  But, your time, and mine, are finite.  It is an inescapable reality.  We all have to choose what we will do with our time.

Second. Our time, and what we choose to do with it, is what defines us.  I remember one particular day, a pivotal moment, when I looked sheepishly at Sara and tied to excuse a lack of action with the comment, “I just didn’t have time to do it.”  Then I was immediately embarrassed because I knew I wasn’t telling the truth.  The truth was that I had decided that what I told her I would do was not as important as the other tasks I had chosen to complete.  She knew it and I knew it.  I made a vow to myself, at that moment, to stop living in such a duplicitous manner.

Third. Start living genuinely.  We all make hundreds of small choices throughout each day.  At the same time, we’re building a life.  Each small choice begins closing off the possibilities of countless other choices, forever.  Our lives, even the very best lives we could ever imagine, are a never-ending opportunity to wave goodbye to other possibilities as we usher in new, carefully selected, genuine possibilities.

Angela Dodson, my beloved coach, says, “We all make progress one decision at a time.”

Sara Devereaux taught a valuable lesson about the power of making one good decision at a time when she said. “I remember being in my office late one night.  It was around 11:30 pm and I had just ended a phone call.  It was a call that informed me that the transaction I’d been working on, fretting over, and losing sleep over had just failed.  With the touch of my finger I ended the call.  Then I slumped forward, placed my hands under my head and felt a rush of relief.  I was so tired!  I was grateful to have this transaction fail!”

It was a memorable conversation.  Perhaps it was so memorable because so many of us can relate to this feeling.  It is a feeling that is best described as living in the land between. The land between is a place where one is living an overwhelmed life.  It can often also be additionally described as living with undermined meaning.

We can all live a life of deeper meaning by choosing a few things and sacrificing everything else; giving up, one decision at a time.

“To the person who does not know where he wants to go there is no favorable wind.” – Seneca

What’s Inside

Kery, a Client Advisor for Lexus, can tell you everything you need to know about driving and operating a car.  He understands every part of each of the vehicles he represents.  And, he has a distinctive understanding of the most important component of driving forward successfully.  His most significant skill is his understanding of the human element of driving, as anyone who has spent a little personal time with him will tell you. It’s a skill he began to refine very early in life and he’s enhanced it continually throughout his more than fifty years of living.

“I grew up with a single mother.” Kery Spinabella said.  “She became disabled just after she turned eighteen as a result of being in a chemical fire that burned a large portion of her body while she was working.”

Yet, his mother, despite her difficult physical challenges, raised four children successfully and lived well past the life expectancy projections provided to her by numerous attending physicians. Rather than living a short life of less than thirty years she lived to an age of seventy-two, while raising four children and acting as a positive model for her subsequent grandchildren too.

“I have one brother and two sisters.  We all learned important life lessons as a result of what some would consider disadvantaged circumstances.”  Kary explained, just before he went on to verbally illustrate a course that everyone can follow to drive their way forward, toward positive living.

The road you started on isn’t the road you need to stay on.  “I’m grateful for everything my mother did for me!  I will always admire her.  And, I learned to use my early life as an inspiration to become more.”  Kary said of how important it is to understand the benefits of using a rearview mirror in combination with a windshield.

A windshield gives you a good view of forward-facing options.  Ambition, which is a strong internal desire to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work, seems to act as a windshield wiper, in that it allows you to have a clear vision of where you want to go.

Seneca, a Roman Stoic philosopher famously illustrated this principle by teaching, “To the person who does not know where he wants to go there is no favorable wind.”

Hard work with vision, driving-force, is what will allow you to move forward, as if compelled by a favorable wind.  Without such initiative one may as well be trying to drive blindly-forward while looking solely at their rearview mirror.  Such “rear-viewing” people seem to label those who use their individual driving-force to obtain positive progress as purely lucky in life.  While never expressing gratitude for what they, themselves have.

“It’s important to cherish and hold the principle of gratitude as essentially fundamental.”  Kery explains.  “After all, it is always easy to see that there others who have more than you do!  That kind of focus leads people to suffer from ‘glare syndrome.’ It’s like driving your car while having the sun shine so directly, brightly, that you can no longer see the road ahead clearly.  If the glare is strong enough it consumes all energy just to eke your way forward. When that happens, you can’t even attempt to see any surrounding beauty because you become paralyzed by the fear of what could lie ahead.”  

Holding on to an inner attitude of gratitude is like wearing the best polarizing sunglasses ever made.  Gratitude, like those sunglasses, will keep your eyes from being burned, damaged beyond repair and permanently disabled.

“I grew up with a single mother.” Kery shared.  “She became disabled just after she turned eighteen as a result of being in a chemical fire that burned a large portion of her body while she was working.”  Living with such a strong, loving, giving woman and family, in his early life, allowed Kery to cultivate a unique and distinctive understanding of the most important principles of driving toward positive living.

It is what’s inside that counts!

The Water in Which you Swim

“The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible.” Arthur C. Clarke

The Water in Which you Swim

“I saw a scene of myself as a teenager, ill at home on the exact day I was to compete in the state championship.”  Nyle said as he talked about his journey into time-fluidity, the water in which he had been swimming.

Nyle Rdleif was speaking of his almost lifelong process of looking inside deeply enough to find his personal gifts.  A process he describes as, “remembering what I wanted to do with my life.”

“By the time I was sixty years old I was living with the constant feeling that I ought to be in a much better position.  For some reason I couldn’t accept the gifts I had received in my life.  I lived in a comfortable home.  I never went without enough food to eat.  I drove a dependable car.  I was living in a state that Marilynne Robinson describes as ‘joyless urgency.’”  Nyle continued.

So, he decided to search in a different place, a different way.  In different waters. He needed to free himself from both his current calendar and business, both of which had made him comfortable both physically and economically.  

“I had learned to only experience time as a measuring stick, a ruler, and it had destroyed my joy!”  He said.

This vision of seeing and using time differently allowed him to discover something unthought of, by him, up to then.  He knew that he could stop allowing time to rule his every moment.  He would begin to use it fluidly, see life in a broader scope; view his lifetime in totality.  And, this transformed use of time allowed him to discover something he describes as “magical.”

“Once I cleared my mind, I immediately began to experience the power of broad-view-memory.  It was like standing on top of a high mountain, being able to see a clear view in every direction at once!  Most importantly, time-fluidity allowed me to begin to see my natural gifts, what had given me true joy and how to savor the moment.”

Here are Nyle’s suggestions to living fluidly.

Note your patterns of dealing with personal fear.  “I found that there were several occasions where I had sabotaged my own success because I wanted to avoid having to perform under pressure.  I was so afraid of it that I’d make myself ill from worry.”  Once he saw that he was the one controlling his own outcomes he knew he could create the outcomes he really wanted.  He calls this “creating the gateway of conveying his gifts to the world.”

Embrace your unique gifts.  “I’m not good at everything!”  Nyle says.  “It took a fluidity tour to see what I naturally gravitated to.  I found that I was a talented teacher.  But, I didn’t want to be school teacher, so I never moved in that direction.  Now, I can use my teaching skills consciously in creative ways.  It is allowing me to change the way I position myself through my established business.”

Look for magical events to unfold.  “Now that I’m following my heart and consciously sharing my unique talents, gifts, new kinds of opportunities are coming in an almost magical fashion!  I think it’s because I’m establishing new living patterns based on my strengths.”

Nye’s ability to rely on his distinctive strengths means he is able to overcome his fears more and more.

“I saw a scene of myself as a teenager, ill at home on the exact day I was to compete in the state championship.”  Nyle said as he taught about his journey into time-fluidity. Now he’s consciously creating the outcomes he really wants.

He’s teaching us that “The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible” just as futurist Arthur C. Clarke said.