When You Feel Hopeless

“I have worried about this so much I haven’t slept for weeks”

- Jennifer Castagno

When You Feel Hopeless

“I left the company two weeks ago because of this transaction.” Jennifer said to me over the telephone.  “I’ve worried about this so much I haven’t slept for weeks!”

“I understand!  I’ve spent lots of nights just staring up at the ceiling before.  I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this.”

I was having lots of stress, right along with Jennifer, so I genuinely understood what she was going through.  We were both relying on other people to fulfill their role and they just weren’t getting it done.   It was frustrating and demoralizing. 

A couple of days before this phone call, I was at my emotional bottom.  I felt paralyzed but something deep inside of me said, “You have a fiduciary responsibility to fulfill, so figure it out!”

That inner voice acted as my guide to allow me to learn something very important.  What I could do when I felt hopeless!

I knew there were many things not in my control and had been focusing on them.  Shifting my focus was essential.

“What can I impact?” I asked myself.

I thought back and realized that, while there were many people involved I couldn’t count on; there were people who had proven themselves.  I could count on them!  That’s why I reached out to Jennifer.

“Thank you for being so great to work with.” She said at the beginning of our call.

I didn’t know she was going through the same thing I was.  One simple phone call bound us together.  We didn’t feel alone any longer and that produced new strength.  It opened the door for us to put a new plan together. We created a tight circle of cooperation and envision a successful finish in the near future. 

With this new, positive vision of success clearly in mind, I was able to claim confidence so I could call my client with purpose and strength.  “Hello, this is Lynn.  Here’s what happened.  This is how we can move forward and give you the outcome you’re looking for!”

Wow!  That dreaded call quickly turned from trepidation to the most positive result I could have imagined.  My feeling of hopelessness quickly disappeared.  I felt renewed.

It made me feel so good I wanted to make sure I could pass these steps on to you directly.  That way you and I can refer to them over and over again; this isn’t the first time I’ve felt hopeless and it won’t be the last.

So, next time we face discouragement we’ll ask, “What can I impact?”  Shift focus, create alignment with proven allies, combine strength to build a measurable strategy, and move forward with confidence while feeling renewed. 

These steps work!  I’ve used them again and again with positive results.  Try it yourself and you’ll conquer feelings of hopeless every time.

Transforming Relationships

“Did your family found Herriman?” – Nathan Brock

Transforming Relationships

I was just finishing a team meeting when Nathan came over to me.  Everyone else had left the room.

“Did your family found Herriman?”  He asked.

“Yes.”  I said.

“I think we might be related.” Nathan continued.

Then we talked for a while and as we talked, there was a transformation in our relationship.  In many ways, the relationship was the same.  The people were the same.  Our roles on the team were the same, but there was a change non-the-less.

You and I have relationship transforming opportunities presented to us often.  But, more often than not, we walk away from such without feeling any more connected than before.  So, what is it that allows us to transform our relationships from casual acquaintances to something more meaningful?

From an outside view, one might conclude that the reason Nathan’s relationship with me transformed into something deeper was the discovery of common blood.  But that isn’t the case.  I’m related to many people I know and I still haven’t deepened a bond with them.  So, ancestry sharing is not necessarily transformative.  Yet, the answer can still be found by looking a little deeper in to my interaction with Nathan.  I think it reveals a pattern you and I can follow.

First, Nathan and I freely put ourselves in a position to have regular, meaningful interaction.  We chose to focus on working together to help others in a structured way.  It’s the combination of focus & structure that allow for change to occur.

Second, our work together is based on more than a “hope” of getting another person into our personal network.  We recognize that every person is working with the objective of helping someone else move forward more rapidly in growing his or her business.  People working together for the benefit of another will always grow a relationship deeper than two people focusing on their own relationship.

Third, the way you give of yourself will cause other, like-minded people to be attracted to a long-term relationship with you.  When I’m in Cooperative Venturing Team Meetings I always pay close attention to what other members of the team are saying.  It allows me to learn how they think, what they know and who they are.  Needless to say, there are some people who impress, teach, and inspire others.  Then there are those whose participation does just the opposite.  Giving your best to others will always reveal your finest personal qualities.

Finally, Nathan’s kindness in revealing our familial connection opened the door for us to have a meaningful exchange.  I learned a lot about him, his life, his family, where he lives and what he hopes to achieve.  Had he not allowed himself to become openly vulnerable, an invisible, yet real barrier would have continued to exist.  Sharing information and personal insights demonstrate your capacity to become more than a one-dimensional acquaintance.

Every one of us can transform our lives beyond one-dimensional acquaintanceships.  We can all have special, rewarding relationships.  All it takes is a little structure, a focus on helping other people, and giving your best so you can reveal your personal qualities while sharing yourself in an honest & open way.  Are you interested in transforming your relationships?

Cardboard Chacter

“You can’t design a character too specifically.” – Lee Child

Cardboard Character

During the holiday period this season I was able to enjoy some time reading a book by one of my favorite authors.  I’ve admired his work for a long time so I also took an opportunity to learn from his three conclusions about being a successful writer.

His “most confounding” conclusion struck a real chord with me:  “You can’t design a character too specifically.” 

Perhaps this was so striking to me because of the New Year.  Many use the New Year to write goals and make resolutions.  I’ve always thought doing so was helpful and a good thing to do.  But now, Lee Child has given me a new way to look at developing my own character.

“To think too carefully would produce a laundry list of imagined qualities and virtues and would result in a flat, boring, cardboard character.”  Lee wrote.  “I would be consulting a mental checklist – ‘I need to satisfy this demographic . . . check . . . and please these people . . . check . . .’ – until I had a guy with all the spark and life beaten out of him.  So I quite self-consciously pushed that thirty-five year soup of ideas and influences into the distant background and decided to relax and see what would come along.”  He continued.

Now I’m not suggesting you and I stop making and keeping goals but, I am suggesting that perhaps we take some time to push some of the ideas and influences from our past back into the past so as to discover the spark of life again.  In this regard, I remember reading a quote from long-past-forty Cher some time ago.

“I never date men who are over forty because by the time a man reaches forty he is so beaten down by life that he’s forgotten how to dream.  He doesn’t have any dreams left.”

Of all the people living in today’s world you and I are the most capable of dreaming.  We’ve lived our lives in a culture of possibility.  And even though I sell real estate for a living, I don’t think the American Dream has ever simply been “to have a house with a white picket fence and a patch of dirt.”  The American Dream, to me, is that you and I have opportunity to cast off the false cultural & personal habits from our past so we can chase and live our dreams freely.  A cardboard character will never have or live a dream. 

So, I’m making a commitment to scrap all parts of myself that would be considered as cardboard character.  As your friend, I invite you to break free of living as the person other people think you should be and live the life you’ve only dreamt about.  “Decide to relax and see what comes along.” 

“Character is king. There are probably fewer than six books every century remembered specifically for their plots.  People remember characters.”

Let’s live memorable lives.  Let’s write our own character.  I’m excited to see who we are!

You're Window Inside

“We’re just starting the process.” – Gary Jackson

Your Window Inside

I got an email from my friend Gary asking me to call him.  It had been a while since we had talked so I was excited to give him a call.  When I was able to speak with him he said something important.  “We’re just starting the process.”

“I’m not worried about my time.” I replied.  “It’s important for you to take the time to fully complete your internal process.  You guys always make good decisions!”

When we finished our conversation, I thought to myself, “I wonder how many people know they have a personal process for decision making?”

I think it took me more than thirty-five years before I even began to figure out that I had my own personal process.  But once began to recognize it, I began to pay attention to what was happening with my struggling insides.  The first thing I discovered was the amount of time it took for me to become comfortable.

In working with other people, I’ve noticed that almost everyone begins their internal process long before they know it.  It generally starts with a kind of restless searching.  They don’t know what they’re looking for.  All they know is that they’re “looking for something.”  Knowing that your internal process begins one or two years before you’re ready to make an important decision will help reduce stressful, “I’ve been worried about this forever!” feelings you’ve faced before.  It will also give you comfort, knowing you can trust yourself to go the distance.

When you know you can trust your internal process to help you make great decisions, they become much easier.  Don’t get me wrong.  There is still plenty of work to do.  But, it becomes familiar territory for you.  A good example of this is when you return home after a trip.

I flew back to Salt Lake City about two weeks ago.  When I looked out of the airplane window to see the towering snowcapped mountains cutting into the azure blue sky, a comfortable easing overtook my whole being.  I still had work to do, disembark the plane, ride the shuttle to my car and drive home, but all of that seemed inconsequential compared to the peace I was feeling.  It’s the same kind of thing once you’ve discovered your own internal process and you know you’re on track.

We can all see our own process if we simply look through our window inside.  Use your internal window to look into your past to discover what your personal process is.  Then look for your landmarks to ensure you can see where you are in the process.  When you can see where you are, everything else will seem inconsequential because you’ll be on familiar ground and will know your way home.