The Flight of Joy

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

-       Jeff Van Gundy

The Flight of Joy

In my business I spend a great deal of time doing comparable studies.  That is, looking at the attributes of one property and comparing it with those of another.  It’s a tool I use to demonstrate value or relative value.  It’s the scientific basis for much of the work I do.  And, as in all things scientific there is an artistic and relative (eye of the beholder) side to comparable studies.  I learned this lesson fairly early in my career as it was showing a particular property to a woman who was looking to purchase a home.

We drove up to the home she wanted to examine.  It was a small, white clapboard home with an unkempt yard.  I opened the front door after bouncing up a couple of steps.  Then I looked in to see that if I set a marble down, at the front door, and released it, it would roll to the back of the house and accelerate the entire way.  In short, my immediate thought after opening that door was, “This house is a tear-down!”  Then I shifted my gaze from the house to my companion’s face. 

She was not having the same experience I was.  I could see it in her eyes!

“This is exactly what I’m looking for!”  She said.  “It’s in move-in condition!”

I learned a great and important lesson that day!  And, as a result of this one experience, I try to never use my own wants, desires and preferences as a comparison for the people I provide service to.  And, I recently learned another important application of this same principle.

I was listening to an interview with basketball coach and commentator Jeff Van Gundy just the other day when he said, “Comparison is the thief of joy!”  Of course, he was speaking about the habitual practice of comparing basketball teams from differing eras.  Yet it struck another chord with me.

Have I been robbing myself of joy by spending time comparing my personality, accomplishments, physical features and possessions with those of others?  Or, am I recognizing beauty, utility, comfort, character and uniqueness when I look at who I am and what I’ve surrounded myself with?  Could this be an important question for you to ask!

I had a friend ask my opinion about a particular subject last week.  It was something I’m very passionate about.  Then, when I finished saying more than I should have said, he graciously responded by saying,  “I knew you had passionate about this!”

He could have stolen my passion and self esteem by comparing his beliefs with mine.  He could have compared my statements with those of others to show me the error of my ways. He chose another path.  He allowed me to experience a flight of joy!

It’s a flight I’d love to enjoy more.  It’s a flight I’d love to see others enjoy more as well.

Will you join me at the airport?

Three Feet

Cricket.

Three Feet

I looked down and saw multiple red colored bumps, each approaching the diameter of a quarter, all over her rear right foot.  They looked sore and when she began to keep that leg cocked and elevated as she walked I could tell they were causing her pain.

Pain is no stranger to this large black dog.  She’s been through so much.  I worried about her welfare in coping with a fourth surgery.  But, it was now blatantly obvious that if her life were to be spared I would need to take her for an examination sooner than later.  I made the appointment for the next day, Wednesday morning.

Such appointments are always hard for me.  I go in not knowing what the outcome is going to be.  Two other times, with two other pets, I went in with my pet only to exit the building without my companion, having tears stream down my cheeks and trying to catch my breath.  I didn’t want to have that experience again, especially on this particular Wednesday. 

We walked into the veterinary hospital and were ushered into a small room where I sat while Cricket paced.  She was in good spirits, though a little nervous. 

Another door opened.  Cricket cowered.

“She recognizes you!”  I said to Jon, our veterinarian.

Jon gently looked at her foot and then looked up to me through concerned eyes.

“This is very aggressive cancer.” He explained.  “The only thing we can do to save her is to remove her leg, try to get ahead of it.”

This wasn’t the news I was hoping for, but it wasn’t the worst of my fears.  A fourth surgery!  It would take place the next day.  There was not a moment to lose in Cricket’s fight for life.  She could still live a fine life with three legs.

I had known one three-legged dog early in my life.  He had been energetic and fun.  I was hoping the result would be the same for this pal of mine.

When I picked my buddy up from the hospital on Friday she was in misery.  I carried her from the car into our house.  She cried a little, but was glad to be back home.  The pain she was feeling showed in her eyes.  It was hard for both of us.  But, it wasn’t the hardest thing to come for me.

The next evening when it was time for me to take my dogs for their walk, she watched intently as I performed my usual ritual of preparation.  Then, as I walked past her, she rose to her three feet and dutifully hobbled along with me to the door.  That moment forced me to make a decision.  Could I tell her she can’t go after such a show of bravery?

I decided to let her come.

We went out the front door and made it just about five feet from the porch onto the lush green grass.  It was then that she had done as much as she could do.  She stood, looking forward, unable to make her body continue no matter how much her heart wanted to proceed.  Her bravery and displayed loyalty, at that moment, will remain with me for the rest of my days!

Cricket has taught me more about bravery and loyalty than anyone.  As her days of healing progress I can only hope to return such character traits back in her direction.  She wears no shoes, but if she did, they’d be mighty big ones to fill. 

I will never be able to fill her sized shoes.  Three feet and still standing.

The Comfort Paradox

A fluffy dog looking for comfort

The Comfort Paradox

I have some work to do on my laptop and it’s late in the day.  So, I begin to walk to the front of my house.  The living room is there.  It’s filled with big windows.  The view from there is serene.  Some times it helps to be in a calm environment when the work needing to be done is stressful.  That’s why I headed to such a place.  I just didn’t know I had been followed until I felt a couple of paws on my pant leg just before I sat down. 

I looked down just as I was taking a seat.  Little brown eyes, filled with need, swallowed up my heart.  It was our normally-bravado-packed Welsh Corgi, Merlin.  But, on this day his eyes told me he was in need of comfort.

He was offering me an invitation I couldn’t refuse.

“Come on up.”  I softly said while reaching down to give him a little lift. 

Merlin’s personality and outlook is bold, but kindly.  He’s an active, strong and athletic little dog who is rarely shy.  So, when he climbed right up on my chest it was obvious that he was in need of reassurance and safety.  We sat there together.

I petted.  He sidled up to me.  The day had jostled him with a change of pace.  We had houseguests and his normal routine had been interrupted.  I’d seen this character altering behavior before in Merlin under similar circumstances.  I understood what he needed.  Too bad you and I don’t always have a friend to recognize such patterns in our own lives.  But, we can learn big lessons from this little dog.

First, even though Merlin gets afraid from time to time, he doesn’t let it change his way of going about his life for very long.  On this day, I sat with him for about twenty minutes before he perked up and bounded off the side of my couch so he could chase a bird.  You and I can still enjoy the best part of our personality even though we have times when we feel out of sorts.

Second, Merlin knows where his place of safety is when he needs it.  I’ve laughed at him many times as I’ve watched him run into the house so he can aggressively bark and growl at an intruder from the safe side of a glass barrier.

Third, Merlin has taken the time to build relationships of trust. When he feels unsure of others, or of situations, he never hesitates to come to the people he trusts for comfort and protection.  He invests in people so they’ll be there for him when he needs them.

Finally, as I provided comfort to Merlin I could feel the stress from my own fears begin to be pushed aside with every stroke across his fur. Providing comfort to others is a process that paradoxically gives consolation to the comforter as well.

Sea Change

“What’s this?” – Hannah Gray

Sea Change

Hannah is a vibrant young girl with lots of energy and curiosity.  She also loves to dance and spends much of her after school and weekend time learning and practicing ballet.   So, I wasn’t surprised as she rushed past me and danced up the stairs, and up to the porch toward the front door of the home we would be entering.  When her feet finished their final leap and rested on the porch I watched as she came to an abrupt halt.

Her halt led to a “V” shaped bend with her arms reaching right down to the concrete.  Her fingers reached for something wrapped in plastic. Its bright colors showing through the protective cover had caught her attention.

“What’s this?”  She called out to her parents and me as she drew it closer to her eyes.

I could see a puzzled expression consuming her face as she examined the curious object.  It was clearly something she had ever encountered during her ten or so years of living.

“It’s a phone book!”  Her mother called out.

“What’s a phone book?”  Hannah shot back.

“You’ve never seen a phone book?”   Mom said with a little lilt.

“No!  What’s it for?”  Hannah asked in earnest.

“It’s so people can find phone numbers of those they want to call.”  Her dad Larry chimed in.

“What?  Why would anyone need that?  Why don’t they just use the internet?”  Hannah responded as she put the ancient relic back down.  She now knew it to be useless.

This was the second such incident I had encountered this week.  The other occurred when I tried to explain why telephone wires were stubbed to a lot, which was for sale, to another person who looked at me as if I had said the silliest thing she had ever heard.

“Why on earth would anyone need wires for a telephone?”  She asked with a laugh.

I had to laugh too!  Not because I thought the telephone wires to be silly though.  I laughed because I could see that while this person didn’t recognize one of the most common fixtures of my lifetime, I haven’t always recognized or acknowledged how our lives and world have changed.  So, I asked myself, “Are you taking time to see and appreciate how things have changed?”

The way we live our lives has under gone a “sea change.”  We live in an age of miracles and seemingly fail to appreciate the wonder of it all.  Yet, if you think about it for a moment you’ll see that it’s a mighty fine time to be alive!

Photos of my new grandson Landon, who lives in Arkansas, magically pop up on a picture frame in my family room in Utah!  I received photos of army vehicles at JFK International Airport this week shot from my daughter Jessi’s phone and sent in seconds to the palm of my hand.  And, I get to see Annie progress through her fencing classes on the Upper East Side through the magic of Face Time and emailed/text videos!  What marvelous things, wonders to behold!

Yes, our lives have under gone a sea change.  So, let’s not forget to see life’s wonders and appreciate them.  Seeing them for the miracles they are will cause us to feel better, more hopeful and awe inspired every day.

Working With Throwaways

“These kids have never had someone tell them “I love you” and really mean it before.”

- Gordy Nichol

Working With Throwaways

I’ve driven to Sun Valley, Idaho before.  Every time I’ve made the drive it has been long and hard.  Perhaps it’s because I’ve always thought that the four to five hour drive was time wasted as I’ve yearned to arrive.  That stretch of road seemingly turns into a never-ending treadmill rather than a means of transformation.

My recent trip on that same road opened my eyes to an alternative type of transformation as my friend Gordy Nichol used the time to teach me about the volunteering he and his wife Jackie do.

“Let me give you an example of our program’s success.”  Gordy said as he glanced over at me while sitting in his car’s passenger seat.

He then went on to tell me of a teenaged boy.  The boy had been held captive by the life he had been living as a gang member in an inner city neighborhood.  Gordy had begun to work with him through a six-week program designed to give such teenagers an alternative view of the world, to show them that they have a choice in their lives.

“Toward the end of his six weeks the boy came to me and said, ‘If I’m sent back to my neighborhood, the same friends and environment, I’ll never make it out.  I’ll end up going back to gang life and that will lead to my death.  I need the judge to give me an alternative.  What should I do?’  I said, write what you said to me down and give it to the judge so he can see that you’ve spent time thinking through your life and how you want to change it.”  Gordy replied.

He then went on to tell me that the boy did as he suggested and that the judge had said he had never seen anyone take the time to write down such a sincere and well thought out statement.  In the end, the judge sent him to live at the far end of the state, in a home where he became the first person in his family to earn a high school diploma and receive a scholarship to continue his studies in college.  His chosen path to a better life wouldn’t have been possible without caring volunteers showing and demonstrating another view and available passageway into a previously unknown world.

Another unknown for kids working with Gordy and associated volunteers is genuine love. 

“One girl we were working with was finishing the program and she said, ‘Gordy, I’m really going to miss you!’  I replied, I’m really going to miss you too because I love you.  That’s when she said; ‘Nobody’s ever said that to me and really meant it before!’ These kids have never had someone tell them “I love you” and really mean it before.”  Gordy said with a blaze in his eyes.

I looked through the windshield and saw Salt Lake City appear in front of me as if we had been driving at a blazing fast speed to get there.  I looked at the clock on the dashboard and saw that we hadn’t been speeding; it was just that Gordy’s stories of love and devotion had turned time I had viewed as a throwaway into something special. 

Perhaps each one of us could benefit from the same miracle in our own lives.  Volunteering to change the life of another person is always time turned into something special.