Buoyant History

“I’ve had a great life.”

Carol Abbott Butterfield

Buoyant History

“You were born in 1927?”  I asked.

“Yes.” She replied.

“So, you lived the first one-fourth of your life during the Great Depression and then again in the past four years?”
“Yes, but I’ve had a great life!”

This conversation has been running through my mind again and again over the past few days.  I’ve thought about it over and over; thinking about it in detail and combining it with the historical setting racing in my mind.

Carol was born just before the big stock market crash in 1929. The event ushered in the financial crisis that led to more than 25% unemployment as well as huge despair.   In fact, the people I’ve know who lived through this exigent period have never gotten over the psychological impact for their entire lives.  The economic impact was so severe that nothing really made a difference in the financial and business climate until our people began to fight for their very lives during World War II.  Talk about being hit by one huge challenge after another!  I tell you this brief narrative to point out to you that unprecedented contrasting good followed this miserable and gloomy period.

Sometimes when in the throes of life-changing events it’s hard to use personal anticipation skills to give yourself the strength to move toward a brighter future.  That’s why I wanted you to know that there were many times when Carol felt as if she was not living on the sunny side of the street.  But now, as she looks at her life in total, she feels satisfaction and joy as a result of all the good things that have woven their way through her life.

The same will be true in your life if you will allow the lessons of history to act as guideposts to demonstrate the power of personal faith.  If you are experiencing hard times, know that good times will come to you again if you simply combine optimistic vision with devotional effort.  History has taught us that offering one of these two key ingredients alone is never enough. 

But, you have both elements inside already, so you have what it takes!  Always remember that ordinary people can and will do extraordinary things.  The personal history you’re writing now will add volumes of additional evidence!

Living With a Broken Heart

“When her heart was broken it changed her whole life.”

-      L. Clark

Living With a Broken Heart

I’ve known two people who have been living with a broken heart for a long, long time.  I’m sure I know some others as well, but I just don’t know it for sure.  One of the most interesting things about my experience with these two people in particular is that if another person were to look at them, they would not be able to detect their pain in any way.

A broken heart is not like a thrombosis. There is no formation or presence of blood clots that may partially or completely block an artery or vein.  But, they do have some things in common.  One thing’s for sure, a broken heart lies deep beneath the skin and many times you can’t see any signs of it on the outside.

That’s what I’ve noticed about the two broken hearts I know.  Both of them spend their lives living as if nothing bad ever happened to them at all.  They’re like streams of goodness, giving all they have to nourish everyone around them.  I was in a meeting once and heard one of them referred to as “an angel.”  It just goes to show that there are indeed angels living among us.

Perhaps, like my two friends, all angels were once good people living fine lives when something devastating happened to them.  And, it was that overwhelming event that allowed them to change from being simply human to angelic.  All I know is that my two angels have bridged the crevasse that once ripped through their heart by enlarging it in a magical way.

When I talked with one of them in great detail about her experience she said to me, “I was hurt so badly.    I was so embarrassed by what had happened that all I wanted to do was lie hiding in bed with my covers over my head.  But I had kids to take care of so I made myself get up every day and take care of them.”

Take care of them, she did!  Now she lives in a new life filled with expanding love as new grand and great grandchildren offer her unwavering love.  She never could have conceived of this palliative while in the depths of her misery.  All of this intensification of love has come as a result of her simple choice to get up every day and completely offer herself to the other, smaller, aching hearts encircling her.

When one faces trials in life there are always two chances for intensification.  One is to choose increasing the hate and despair that are so readily offered.  The other is to choose bridging the gap by showing increased love to everyone possible.  The first always leads to a growing chasm in the afflicted heart.  I once heard a man who made such a choice referred to as “the world’s only living heart donor!”  The second leads to a magical transformation into an angelic being. 

I hope you and I will always choose to completely offer our goodness to everyone around us no matter what happens to our hearts.  If we do, there will be many more angels out there and I know they’ll be on our side.  What could be more encouraging than that?

Showing Kindness When in Pain

“I guess I’m still alive because AdaMarie needs to have someone to talk to.”

- Carol Butterfield

Showing Kindness When In Pain

I called my aged mother about four days ago.  During our conversation she told me that she had twisted her back in a “funny way and heard a snap. “ I knew instantly that this was not good news!  She has had several vertebrae break over the years and has been battling to maintain strength and health as a result.  So, as soon as we stopped talking I called my gentle and compassionate sister who lives in the same town.

My sister took our mother to have her back checked and found that she had indeed cracked another vertebra!  She then organized a care plan and began to take care of her.  When my wife, daughter and I went to visit as soon as we could and we were glad to see that she was getting along well under her painful circumstances.

During our visit, we sat, visited, rested and played a board game for about three hours.  Throughout our time together, her telephone rang and rang from one single caller.  She has a neighbor who has been alone since her parents, grandparents and siblings all passed away more than thirty years ago.  This neighbor lives a life that can be best described as agoraphobic.  She has very few friends and relies on my mother for many kinds of assistance.  Even though my mother told her she had guests and couldn’t talk at the moment, the calls kept coming.

As her telephone rang again and again I found myself becoming agitated; ready to grab the phone and make the calls stop.  But, I watched my mother’s benevolent eyes as she kindly spoke to her neighbor each time she called.  When asked how she dealt with this challenging relationship she said, “I guess I’m still alive because AdaMarie needs to have someone to talk to.”  She never takes personal credit for her acts of goodness.  But, she deserves the credit for an important lesson learned during this visit.

 My mother’s goodness has shown me that kindness to others must never end, even when your personal pain is almost unbearable.  True character is demonstrated over a lifetime and is always revealed when one is enduring sickness, pain or mental anguish.  You can show your strength of character every day by offering goodness to others even when you don’t feel well or are suffering personally.

Remembering Pure Joy

Bre Instefjord receiving metals after competing in a gymnastics meet

Remembering Pure Joy

My friend Bre practices her Gymnastics hard several days each week.  There are some days in which she struggles, but she does it because she loves it.  I know she loves it because she works through her struggles and stays with it until she conquers each new challenging skill as she grows.

She isn’t the first girl I’ve seen go through this process.  I had two daughters of my own who loved competing as gymnasts.  They would work until their hands became raw on some days.  But they kept at it until those same hands became thick with calluses.

I remember watching one day when one of my girls “ripped” her hand while working her bar routine.  Her callused skin had split wide open and her eyes were filled with tears.  When the other girls saw what had happened they all rushed over and gave her hugs and pats saying, “Congratulations! You got your first rip, way to go!”  When next I was able to see my daughter’s face, the tears were gone and she was beaming with pride.  I know the pain was still there, but her satisfaction as having accomplished something that few people in the world had done soothed her pain as if she were wrapped in a blanket while sipping chicken noodle soup. 

Accomplishment achieved as a result of hard work, coupled with sincere admiration from loved ones is perhaps the greatest joy a person can experience in life.  But, as life presses in upon us from time to time it is also a principle we begin to let drift into a descended brain fog.  It’s so easy to get discouraged and disheartened.

I was falling prey to just such feelings the other day when Bre’s Grandmother asked me over to see video of the awards ceremony from the 25^th Annual Cryatal Cup Gymnastics Competition.  I watched Bre stand and have five metals draped around her neck!  But what I really saw was a face that shown bright as the sun, fueled by a bursting chest of excitement!  She was the definition of pure joy.

My little internal voice said, “Remember that feeling?  You should. That’s accomplishment achieved as a result of hard work!”

I was humbled at the sight and internal message.  It made me want to be a hard worker again.  It made me want to show sincere admiration for the others around me who had received their first rip as a result of their hard work that day.

 If that’s you, congratulations on getting your first rip.  Keep up the good work.  Your awards ceremony is coming up soon!

No Matter What

“I will be having a baby boy in about a month.  No matter what our financial situation looks like we couldn’t be happier.” – A Client

No Matter What

All of us have challenges in our lives.  I know when I’m in the middle staring down my challenges there are times when I forget to remember what I’m happy about!  So, when I was having a conversation with one of my clients her words acted as a light, refreshing rain on my mind.

We had just finished closing on the sale of one of her properties and I sent her a text message, “Congratulations, we have funded and recorded on your property.”   It was my desire to give her comfort.  She and her husband were forced to sell their home due to financial challenges.

The husband had been in a horrible traffic accident a few years ago and had been gravely injured.  He worked in construction so the physical damage didn’t allow him to get back to work for a couple of years.  When he did get back to work, it was only few months before he was injured again as a result of falling off of a roof.  Their financial crisis worsened.

When they had gone through all of their savings and could no longer pay for their home, they decided to put it on the market and sell it even though they owed more than its current market value.  They moved in with relatives and I negotiated with their two lenders so they would agree to allow the home to be sold.  The closing of their home was a huge financial relief.

They had been struggling for a few years and I knew they would continue to have some struggles even with their home being sold.  Accordingly, I wanted them to receive a congratulatory note so they would be able to feel the success of reaching another important mile stone in their financial recovery.  Her reply filled me with encouragement beyond my anticipation.

“Congratulations to you!  We know how hard you have worked for us.  By the way, I will be having a baby boy in about a month.  No matter what our financial situation looks like we couldn’t be happier.”

Couldn’t be happier couldn’t be a better reminder to you and me.  Even though there will be challenges to face almost every day of our lives, there will still be beautiful and exciting events that will offer us encouragement and joy if we will simply accept the good and see it for what it is; no matter what.