“The very secret of life for me, I believed, was to maintain in the midst of rushing events an inner tranquility.” – Margaret Bourke-White

The Very Secret of Life

It had been two years!  The news had just reached me, these many days later.  In fact, the number of days was four-hundred-five since my friend’s daughter had passed away.  Receiving this news was difficult.  It can only be described as something akin to having one of those huge, yellow dump trucks, like the giant ones used at Kennecott Copper, suddenly park on my chest.  And upon that truck’s arrival, all of my inner tranquility was immediately crushed!

One quote, from photographic genius Margaret Bourke-White began playing as if looped directly into my ears.  “The very secret of life for me, I believed, was to maintain in the midst of rushing events an inner tranquility.”

Then, as if an internal playlist had completely taken over my thoughts, another voice of advice, one from my teenage years joined the chorus.  “Do not be blind to the sight of one who needs you.”

I didn’t know how my friend Debra Beresini would feel about receiving a call from someone who had been blind to her painful circumstance for so long.  So, I took a deep breath before I touched her number on my phone; hoping she would still need me, even though late.

My call went to voice mail.  I left a conciliatory message.  “Hi Debra, I just heard that your daughter passed away a couple of years ago.  I’m so embarrassed I didn’t know before now!  Will you please call me so we can catchup?”

When no call came back to me within the following couple of hours I called again.  Not because I wanted to be a bother, but to show I was genuine in my desire to speak with her.

Ding!  “I’ll call you back.”  Debra’s text read, flashing across my screen.

When we began conversing on the phone a few minutes later, the huge, yellow-copper-mine-dump-truck started its slow ramble off my chest and out of my heart.  Debra had remembered the exact time of our last conversation.  2018!  Then, she kindly described what she had been going through since.

“I hadn’t been ready to reach out to anyone because of the pain I was still feeling.”  She explained.

“No one should have to feel the pain of outliving one of their children.”  I responded.  “It’s against the natural order of things.”

“Yes, it is!” Debra rejoined, quick as a lightning strike.

We spoke for about a half hour before she began to transition our conversation toward its end.

“Thank you for calling!  It feels so good to have someone I thought I had a strong friendship with come to me when I needed them!”

“The very secret of life!”  I said to myself, “A photographic finish!” Knowing that not being blind to the sight of someone who needs me, was just confirmed to be the best advice I’ve ever received.  Because, in the midst of rushing events an inner tranquility immediately distilled my heart.

“If you listen and pay attention, I bet you can find a deeper journey you are meant to be on, too.” – Paul Millerd

Pathless Path

I looked at the pile of bailing twine in front of me.  The truth is that I had been looking at that heap of twine, in its not very lonely spot, in the hay barn for a long time.  After all, I, along with a couple of others, are the ones who had been putting that twine, strand by strand, into its large holding-garbage-can for months on end.  And, I didn’t want to go to the hard work of tackling and moving that gargantuan, Godzilla looking, mess. This particular viewing was different though.  It allowed me to realize that this seemingly, significant pile of strands was one component of a continual disquieting.

My friend Paul Millerd had talked with me about this kind of disquieting not long ago. He said, “If you listen and pay attention, I bet you can find a deeper journey you are meant to be on.”

He went on to describe like intermixed strands of bewilderment by admitting that, generally, no one knows what comes next in their life and that he doesn’t have an idea, all the answers, in his own life. But, he’s spent enough time on life’s uncertain journey to know that when it comes to building a life around what you love, there are no short cuts, roadmaps, or instructions. The best we can do is share our stories. Stories that will help others untangle their own strands and figure out the “real work” of their lives: finding things to work on that matter.

At one point or another I’m sure you’ve faced your own trash can filled with innumerable strands. You’ve felt overwhelmed. Well, if you're like the rest of humanity anyway! Such disquieting feelings tend to come to the surface when we feel as if we’re facing unknown unknowns, a pathless path.  A path we just don’t know how to walk; ideas and paths for which there is no map. 

Paul says that in an effort to untangle his own way he embraced a principle he calls “design for liking work.”  “The reality is that most people want to be useful, and that means some form of work in people’s lives. With patience and a willingness to feel lost and take it slow, over the last few years, I started to find a better relationship with work. Inspired by ideas from internet writers, poets, books on spirituality and religion, my own writing, self-experiments, and those conversations with internet friends from around the world, I’ve been able to build a life I am excited to keep living. While it took me more than five years to come close to matching my previous income—a reality that holds many people back from leaving their jobs—I can say without a doubt, it might be harder on this current path, but it’s worth it.”

“It might be harder in a way.  But, it might, just as well be easier!”  I said to myself as I took hold of two strands of bailing twine and quickly rolled them together into a hand-sized circle before easily slipping them into the pocket of my jeans.  Untangling just one or two strands, from that huge pile every day, was easy and comforting as I watched the once seemingly unconquerable pile shrink over time.  After a few weeks all of the strands had been untangled; the mess was gone and my newly created path had become well-worn.

When you find yourself on a pathless path, be a little patient.  Be willing to feel a little lost.  Take it slow, until what was once a pathless path becomes the well-worn path of your own choosing.

"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." – Kelton Hays

From one Root

“It is part of our culture for everyone to make each other better. That includes the coaches!”  Jacque Vaughn said with joy in his voice during an interview after achieving a recent victory over his close friend’s team; a team for which Jacque played for many years ago, long before becoming the head coach of the Brooklyn Nets Basketball Team.  

But, was this a victory for only the members of the winning team?  That would be the common view.  But, something uncommon, exceptional, not apparent on the surface and significant can me discovered by examining the roots below the superficial.  To understand it, one would need to review the branches that have grown from one tree; a coaching tree, rooted in San Antonio.  It is also true of other strong roots, based on the same philosophy.

"All things work together. This is true for people, systems, and our environment. We desire to always take into consideration the whole picture. We long to leave things better than we found them.” Kelton Hays says as he describes the thinking of collaboration, regeneration and innovation specific to his venture, Cobblestone Farms.

On the surface Kelton appears to be a local farmer and he is. That would be the common view.  But, something uncommon, exceptional, not immediately apparent and exceptionally important is growing from roots being nourished at Cobblestone Farms.

Kelton rains down nourishment with words danced lightly for all to receive. "Never settle for doing things the way they've always been done! We never want to do things just because that is the way it's always been done. We believe it's important to always ask why and be open to learning.”  

Kelton’s view is shared to others as if from the world’s tallest peak, Mount Everest. Well,  perhaps more correctly stated, as if from the from Mount Everest.

Cultivate the land.  Kelton and his team believe that all people living near their farm should have access to fresh, nutritionally dense food.  So, they’ve transformed land, located in their city of about a half million people, into a farm to grow such food, so they can deliver long term prosperity.  In doing so, Kelton us cultivating more than land.  He’s cultivating the surrounding people at the same time.

Feed our community.  Everyone is welcome at Cobblestone Farms.  It’s a place where people come to get food as well as to be fed with shared knowledge.  Kelton coaches.  “This is a place where we help people solve issues in their own gardens.  It’s also a place where people come to teach others what they’ve learned while growing their own gardens.  We’ve become a community garden in that way!”

Pass it on.  “We are raising up the next generation of farmers by engaging our community through educational and volunteer opportunities.  We seek to make it better for everyone now and for those who are to come.”  Kelton said as he described how amazing branches are growing from Cobblestone Farms’ process of stimulating resilient roots.  It is part of the farm’s culture.

“It is part of our culture for everyone to make each other better. That includes the coaches!”  Jacque Vaughn said with joy in his voice during an interview after achieving a recent victory over his close friend’s team.

But, something uncommon, exceptional, not apparent on the surface and important was just below the surface of his comments.  To understand it, one would need to understand how strong branches are stimulated and grow from one nourishing root. Like the nourishing roots being cultivated at Cobblestone Farms.

"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

“I have come to realize that the only accomplishments worth discussing, are those we do for others.” – Nate Walls

Second Helpings

Nate Walls is the owner of Secondhand Smoke.  When the pandemic hit, he couldn't sit idly by while many in the community went hungry, and what started as cooking meals for neighbors in need turned into something else.  A nonprofit called Second Helpings.

“I have come to realize that the only accomplishments worth discussing, are those we do for others.”  Nate explained.

Nate cultivated his skills as a chef during his years in the Army by whipping up some killer barbecue and comfort food.  He’s served thousands since then.  And, when his service in the US Army ended, he kept turning out burnt ends and other amazing barbeque in his restaurant, Secondhand Smoke.  But, the Army and his restaurant turned out to be only two of his first steps toward something more.  Something not originally part of his life plan.

“Because I’m a chef and restaurant owner, I had firsthand experience in witnessing people who had everything, quickly have nothing!  Suddenly many people around me didn’t have stable living conditions or food.” Nate said as his naturally bright smile faded into a storm cloud shadowed appearance. 

Then, the rainclouds shadowing his face quickly dispersed as he recalled the moment at which he remembered the almost “lightening-delivered” revelation he had.

“I just knew that my mission is to feed people in our community. So, I started Second Helping NWA, a non-profit organization committed to providing food for local people in the community with the support of businesses, private citizens, and every day folks like you and me.”  Nate explained as his sunshine smile reappeared.

Nate fell in love with cooking when he was 6 years old!  He carried that love into basic training when he enrolled in the Army. During basic training in Fort Knox, he learned a lot about himself as a man, and as a cook. It’s where he honed his skills, and when it was time to move on, he enrolled into cooking school at Ft. Jackson.

Since then, Nate has always been able to see “his next step.”  It’s one of his natural talents.  But, this new step, the calling that led to the founding of Second Helping NWA allowed him to discover something about else about himself.

“I have been in the NWA community for over 20 years. My plan is to continue to support the community with the food we love and share. I like to say ‘Where Old Fashioned BBQ Intersects with Community Service.’”  Nate said as the words rolled off his tongue like thunder; obvious that his statement was more than just words.

When the pandemic hit, Nate Walls couldn't sit idly by while many in the community went hungry. And, what started as cooking meals for neighbors in need turned into something else, the next, unexpected, calling in his life.  His gift to the people with whom he lives and loves, a is nonprofit gift called Second Helpings.

“Threads of Caring”

Personal Shopper

The building’s foyer was filled with people.  Yet, person one stood out because of his smile.  If his smile was any broader it would have had the capacity to swallow the large building, in which he was standing, in one inhalation.  Because he was wearing a new suit and shoes.

“I got two suits, ties, shirts and shoes!”  The preteen boy said, as if he were a peacock spreading his stunning, colorful tail feathers while strutting across a fashion runway.

He was excited!  And, rightfully so.  These were the very first dress close he had ever owned, as he lives in humble circumstances.  Circumstances that would never afford him such luxury.  But, the clothing on show wasn’t the whole story.  The threads making up the clothing were not showing all the strands of what was happening here.

The unseen, binding thread of importance was another person, Lindsey Schwab, a Senior Director of Merchandise Operations for the world’s largest retailer.  She knows clothing, style and design.  She also has a caring and sharing heart that is unlike the artificial heart once surgically implanted into Barney Clark.  Her heart is the genuine article. When Lindsey learned of a local boy in genuine need she instantly made the decision to transplant her skill and love directly into the young man.

She completed the successful transplant by picking the boy up at his home so she could become his personal shopper.  The two drove together and then pursued style through retail stores where they selected fitting suits.  Then, Lindsey fashioned his complete look as if fitting a family Christmas Tree with tinsel and lights, as she carefully guided him to select complimentary shirts, ties and shoes.  By the end of their afternoon adventure the young man had completed his transition from chrysalis to butterfly.

It takes more than just clothes to make such a transition.  It must include strong, colorful threads which bind personal attention, quality time, devotion, caring and love.  It takes the touch of a caring Personal Shopper.

The boy’s transition enabled by his extraordinary personal shopper was on touching display in the foyer of a large building that was filled with people.  And, the boy stood out because of his smile.  If his smile was any broader it would have had the capacity to swallow the sizable building, in which he was standing, in one inhalation.  He was wearing a new suit, shirt, tie and shoes.

“I got two suits, ties, shirts and shoes!”  The preteen boy said, as if he were a peacock spreading his stunning, colorful tail feathers while strutting across a fashion runway.

But he got more than that!  He received more than simple threads of fabric.  He received threads of love from his personal shopper, Lindsey Schwab. She knows clothing, but more importantly, she knows how to change the heart.

 

“Let’s put all our energy into setting New Year’s goals that focus on the positive. You can’t control the economy, or other people, but you can control yourself and how you react to it.” 

– Chris Leader

Thinking with Altitude

“How you see things and think about things will really affect your outcomes. It’s all about how you see opportunity!”  Chris explained early on the New Year’s Day Holiday, as we got together to sip Monday’s Warm Cocoa.

He’d been thinking of a different spin on resolutions for the new year for the past couple of days.  Chris has always been a kind of a “goal guy” and he’s always focused on helping others to become the best they can be.  Because he is a professional speaker, his comment piqued my interest.  After all, I couldn’t imagine how he could have come up with a new spin on resolutions and goal driven achievement.  I mean the guy already trains thousands of people on this exact subject annually.  I was all ears!

“A couple of nights ago Tina (Chris’ wife) and I had dinner with my youngest brother and some other people.  He lives right across the street from me.  We had a fabulous dinner!  He barbequed some prime rib for us and we got to talking about New Year’s Resolutions.”

It was the night before New Year’s Eve.  Everyone at the table was comparing ideas and talking about some ideas.  They were talking about dieting, losing some weight, exercising and other thoughts.  The conversation seemed to be almost just like every other year.  Then someone, his sister-in-law, delivered an alternative view.

“When it was my sister-in-law’s turn she explained that she doesn’t make resolutions, she makes New Year’s Eve Goals.  I was like, you know me and goals, so I perked up right away!  I was all ears!”  Chris said like an excited animated character.  “She believes that setting resolutions is setting yourself up for failure because it focuses on stopping doing something negative like, I’m going to lose weight, or I’m going to stop eating carbs, or I’m going to stop eating chocolate, or whatever it is.”

Goal setting, she thought, inspires you to achieve something positive.  “So, instead of going on a diet, I’m going to focus on eating healthy this year.”

Chris explained.  “It’s kind of the same thing, but it is looking at it from a different vantage point. Or, a different side of the same coin.

She went on to explain that for the last ten years she has had the same resolutions and when she explained them to Chris he felt as if they were all sort of esoteric.  “They were kind of fluffy.”  

I know Chris very well and he’s a focused goal hunter.  He is all about being specific, measurable, it has to live on his calendar, to be achievable.   But then, his sister-in-law tickled his interest, as if floating goose down right under his nose.

“Her New Year’s Goal is to stay positive, no matter what life throws at her.  I thought, this is all good and well, but we all have issues.  She then explained that all people have problems, but having the right attitude to deal with them makes all the difference. Over the past ten years she’s been focusing on maintaining a positive attitude and that has transformed her!”  Chris said with excitement glittering, like stars in the darkest night, from his eyes.

When Chris thought about what she was saying he was able to recall that she was always in a good mood!  Her focus on being positive, had indeed, changed her outlook on everything!  She would say that whatever a person is facing isn’t always as big as they think it is and that remaining positive every day has the magical ability to shift perspective.  Problems are a lot smaller when you look at them with the right attitude!  

So, Chris finished our sipping time together by making a little friend-to-friend pact with me.

“Let’s put all our energy into setting New Year’s goals that focus on the positive. You can’t control the economy, or other people, but you can control yourself and how you react to it.” 

It’s thinking with Altitude.

 

“I’m leaning into the laziness and using my time to rest, reset and reflect.” - Nicole Gaffney

Magnifying Cup

I read and reread the note my friend Coley sent me during the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day.  “I’m leaning into the laziness and using my time to rest, reset and reflect.”

The word lazy is not one of the descriptors I would have ever thought to use in reference to Coley!  After all, she’s a renowned chef and recipe developer specializing in seasonal Italian cooking. So, I can always rely on her to provide me with time-tested, easy-to-follow recipes, essential techniques and clever tricks.

But, her, hopefully, life-changing note gave me a different kind of recipe.  One that I’m following to add a “Magnifying Cup” to my already heavily used cooking measuring cup. It is a restyled idea of an ever-growing, never full, formula for living.

Mo’at said, “It is hard to fill a cup which is already full.”  And so, as part of my end-of-year reflecting, I’ve been wondering about the life-experience-opportunity-cost of living with a full cup; a cup unable to accept or receive more.

“I'm really looking forward to learning. I think there's so much each of us can take away from the other person. There's a ton of stuff to be learned just about life in general.”  Coley expounded.

She went on to describe the whole experience of living with, what I call, a “Magnifying Cup” philosophy that will allow anyone to learn more from mentors, family and friends, rather than having their proffered-knowledge to simply run off the top of, your cup. Because you think you’re already living a fullness of life. 

“I feel like what I'm going to know when this is all said and done versus what I knew going into it is going to be monumental.”  Coley said about the future she envisions coming to fruition over the next year.

I read and reread the note my friend Coley sent me, about her preparation for the coming year, during the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day.  “I’m leaning into the laziness and using my time to rest, reset and reflect.”

The word lazy is not one of the descriptors I would have ever thought to use in reference to Coley!  After all, she’s a renowned chef and recipe developer specializing in seasonal Italian cooking and restyled living. So, I can always rely on her to provide me with time-tested, easy-to-follow recipes, essential techniques and clever tricks to enrich living.

She’s also the one who led me to the discovery of the “Magnifying Cup.”  The philosophy to follow while cooking up a restyled, ever-growing, never full, formula for living.