Doing Right by Being Right

Chuck McCown

Being Right by Doing Right

I got a message from my friend Chuck, “I want to list my factory building for sale or for lease.”

I was grateful that he would desire to work with me, but I was also a little concerned.  You see, Chuck has been dealing with some very difficult challenges over the past couple of years.  I was hoping his request was not the result of a deepening of those challenges and scheduled a time for us to meet.  We soon sat down to talk and I was filled with relief.

Of course, we talked about his building, but we also talked about his personal situation.  My heart was filled with peace as I listened to him describe his path forward.  There was not one moment of anger or disillusion as he spoke.  He had made the decision to live according to his most cherished core values and his strength of character radiated encouragement to me.

I had spent the entire week working with unreasonable people so Chuck’s encouragement was most welcome.  And now, his example was also most appreciated.  His example allowed me to realize that I had been approaching my current challenge in the wrong way!

I had been focused on the fact that I was right!  But this fact was of no consequence to my antagonist.  My conversation with Chuck awakened me to the real issue before me.  My real choice was not one of right and wrong according to reason and law.  I had to choose to live in harmony with my own deep and defining core values or stay stuck and embittered by being right.

One of my deepest, governing values is based on the principle of allowing others to choose their own path, make their own decisions.  When they do so I openly accept their choice and hold no residual malice.  I had been violating my own conscience for a full week and it was causing me to feel awful inside.  Now I knew my internal discomfort was the result of suppressing my own values behind a shield of being right.

Being focused on being right did not allow me to see the larger picture of doing what was right.  The right thing to do is to always live a life true to one’s own best and deepest core values.  So, having my compass firmly reset, I made the decision to be right by doing the right thing.

We are, all of us, constantly making decision as to how to respond to others.  In doing so, asking the simple question, “Am I just proving my self to be right, or am I doing right?” will always allow you and me to feel at peace within ourselves while pursuing peace with others.  Be right by doing right.

Loving Imperfection

“I didn’t really become comfortable with myself until I was able to accept my own weaknesses.” – Josh Cohen

Loving Imperfection

Josh and his brother Matt are in the troughs of starting a new business.  They saw an opening in the market and devised products and services to assist thousands of people to live better lives.  They’ve invested a lot of their own capital and have even raised money through a crowd funding mechanism.  Now they’re getting assistance through Cooperative Venturing and I have the good fortune of working as a volunteer member of their team.

When we starting our work together I made a point of saying, “We know the presentation you’re going to make to us is not going to be perfect.  And, it won’t ever flawless!  Our purpose is to work with you in a way that will enable you to think of things you haven’t thought of yet and to help you get past hurdles you haven’t been able to clear.”  Then our targeted interaction began – there’s nothing like being able to see yourself through the eyes of other people.  It develops deep relationships.

Josh stayed late, after our fourth meeting, so we could talk about the striking discoveries he was making about how starting a successful business is similar to living a successful life.  I wanted to share some of his insights with you.

Josh said.  “It’s been challenging to come to accept that our business is far from perfect at this point.  The Cooperative Venturing process reminds me of the process I’ve been going through in my personal life over the past year.”

“I viewed my personal imperfections as my enemy and I allowed them to make my whole life miserable.  I couldn’t accept that they were simply part of who I was and that I could still love my flawed self.”  He explained.  “It wasn’t until I began to do yoga and meditate every day that I began to face my own personal weaknesses.  It’s been a long, hard process!  But, now I look at my flaws and simply laugh at myself.  I’ve come to understand that life is a process of personal discovery and evolution.  As humans we weren’t meant to be perfect.”

 “Yet, we live in a society where people want to get what they want instantly.  And, to make it even more interesting we’re surrounded by false images of perfection.” I replied.

Our conversation went on for quite a while and covered lots of topics, but here’s how Josh told me he began to live joyfully.

“Fall in love with being human!  When I did this I became comfortable with not being perfect.”  Josh went on to tell me that accomplishing this one thing removed the indescribable pressure and angst he was constantly feeling.  It will do the same for you and me.

“View your imperfections as your charm.”  Josh said, “The world would be exceptionally boring if everyone was perfect at everything!”  He told me we should face our weaknesses and realize they’re part of who we are at this moment.

“Realize that nothing is permanent.”  He said that one of the beautiful things about time is that every moment changes.  “When I discovered that I could release the past and design my future, moment by moment, I found the courage to do life changing things, like start a new business!” Josh explained.

“Live a life of discovery!”  Josh described this by saying, “If you try to live by keeping things the way they are, you’ve already lost!  Time marches on and never stops.  Use time as a tool rather than a harsh school!”

Life can be a harsh school when we don’t understand its purpose and the way it works.  I say that as if I already know all about it.  I don’t!  But, I do know that as we talked and I looked into Josh’s eyes it was easy to love imperfection.  Try loving your own imperfection and see if it brings more joy into your own life!

Putting "me" Into Words

“He spent his whole life giving hugs and loving people.” – Richard Ure

Putting “me” Into Words

I sat across from Richard.  We hadn’t seen each other for a few weeks so I wanted to spend some time catching up with him and I asked him what he’d been up to.

“I just finished building a new apartment in my house for my dad and brother to live in.”  Richard said to me.

I knew he’d been very busy.  At the same time, I didn’t know what it was that was making him so busy and was surprised by his answer.

“How old is your dad?”  I asked.

“He’s 97.  He’s the greatest man I’ve ever known.  My brother is 56 and has pretty much ‘check out.’  He has dementia so his mind is gone.  But!  That’s o.k.  He spent his whole live giving hugs and loving people.”  He went on to say.

It made me think of how some one might describe me toward the end of my life.  Then I wondered what I wanted my life’s description to be and if I’ve devoted enough time to creating it.  Then it dawned on me. 

Since I’m slightly older than Richard’s brother, I’ve already spent what could be considered a “whole live” creating my personal description.  “Hum . . . I wonder how I would put ‘me’ into words and has my purpose in life been clear enough, for everyone who knows me, to use the same words I have in mind as my portrayal?”  I thought.

Every person’s portrayal may change based on varying roles during their lifetime.  And, we are often described by others based on those roles at any given time, son, daughter, business owner, wife, husband, friend, lover, sports enthusiast, student, etc.  And our roles change during different seasons of life.  But, I believe we all have an individual core, something that defines who we really are.

So, when you ask yourself “I wonder how I would put ‘me’ into words” you’re asking something simple, yet hard.  It’s simple because you’ve already spent your lifetime creating the answer to that question.  Yet, it’s hard because when you look very closely, you may not like the answer.  Whether your answer is simple or hard, I suggest that it’s an important question to ask yourself.

Another friend of mine suggested a simple, self-illumination exercise to me a few years ago.  Said she, “I want you to commit to ask the people you’re working with why they chose to work with you and then come back and report their answers to me.”  It was a hard commitment for me to make because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear their answers!  But, I made the commitment and asked the question.  The results changed my view in an unanticipated way.

I invite you to complete the same exercise with a small twist.  Will you commit to ask the people who know you best, ‘how would you put “me” into words?’  I hope the results will change your view so you’ll be able to sculpt your future into one of anticipation, hope and peace. 

I look with anticipation to hear those who love you say, “They are the greatest person I’ve ever known & they spent their life hugging and loving people.”

Be a Social Entrepreneur

The vision of one entrepreneur

Be a Social Entrepreneur

“You just have to see some things for your self.”  I said to myself as I was receiving a day tour of North West Arkansas communities.

You see, it was nothing like what I had imagined it to be!  The airport was very functional, well designed and modern.  The town square was filled with people who were enjoying each other, restaurants and an amazing farmer’s market.  Its gracious offerings and quaint feel caused me to wonder, “Why doesn’t my own community have this same gregarious, vibrant and secure feeling?”

I don’t know all of the answers, but I believe I know one of the answers and it has to do with the vision of one entrepreneur.

I’m not an expert in the history or the people of Arkansas and I don’t pretend to know them very well at all.  But while there, in the heart of Bentonville, I could come to only one conclusion.  One entrepreneur opened the door for all of this to happen.

It was the vision of one man and his ability to create a business and perhaps just as importantly pass his vision on to an army of hundreds of thousands of business partners that transformed an existing community, the one he clearly loved, and extended its reach to large parts of the world.  His purpose has changed the lives of thousands as well as generations.

So, now that I’ve seen a little larger part of what Sam Walton accomplished by focusing on his purpose I have to ask myself, can there be any doubt that when a person really understands their own personal passion and works with others to bring it into reality something magical happens?  Here are the just some of the benefits I observed:

First, many small towns have boarded up main street establishments.  But that is not the case in Bentonville and its surrounding communities.  Hundreds of small businesses have sprung up to give products and services to the many well paid residents.

Second, I noticed that the people were comfortable.  What I mean by that is that they are happy and productive.  There is no cloud of economic gloom weighing down these communities.  There is a healthy, bright view of the present and the future.

Third, the town is filled with public enhancing amenities such as the privately held Crystal Bridges Art Museum, which houses the largest privately owned art collection in the world.  There is a children’s discovery center that is filled to the brim with exploring kids.  And, there are huge privately held wellness centers where individuals and families can go for exercise, classes and companionship.

The companionship that strikes me, as most desirable, is the clear combination between purpose based entrepreneurship and strong, vibrant communities.  It is something I have seen for myself.   I believe that entrepreneurship based communities can be built. 

As you and I transform ourselves by examining and following our passions, we will be transforming our communities and the others who live in them as well.  It is the only combination that truly defines the term social entrepreneurship.  Social entrepreneurship means doing what you love, in your very best way and working with others to transform industry, services and the communities we live in.

The Terror of Oppportunity

“This is so weird and terrifying.” – A friend

The Terror of Opportunity

The instant messaging ping went off on my phone.  I looked down at it and was surprised.

“I’m so afraid right now!” Focused my attention on the screen!

New words flashed.  “I’m really scared right now.  That was my best shot!”

I answered back, “Nothing you can do right now.  You are right there to help everyone. Just be there for them.”

“Yeah, I’m just freaking out!”

That’s when I needed to say something else, something that would change everything.  So, I said, “Don’t!  It is a huge opportunity for you.  View it that way with confidence!”

“This is a nightmare!”

“No!  This is an opportunity!”

There wasn’t more time to talk at the moment.  My friend was doing all she could do and I knew it.  I also knew that I needed to help her shift her view from a vision of terror to a vision of opportunity!  A large part of her future was going to be based on how she faced her current circumstance.  She could give up and run, or she could take a long hard look to see that while this appeared to be a bad turn of events it was really opening a door that would other wise not be opening to her.  I wanted her to open the door to opportunity!

I’ve been through this process many times in my own life.  In fact, “bad things” had happened to me so many times that I just began to expect them on a regular basis.  It began to be my natural view of the world.  It had become a habit.  But, I didn’t recognize it until my friend Spencer Shaw said one day, “Oh, come on Eeyore.”

Eeyore is a character in the Winnie-the-Pooh books by A. A. Milne. He’s generally characterized as a pessimistic, gloomy, depressed, old grey stuffed donkey that is a friend of the title character, Winnie-the-Pooh.  I’ve never been a fan of the Eeyore character so I wanted to change.

My desire to change allowed me to consider other options for how I viewed the world.  That’s when I learned to understand that there were optional views available for everyone.  I also began to see that the point of view I personally selected directly affected my actions.

When I chose to see challenges as opportunities my ability to deal with them also changed.  So I began to practice seeing opportunity all around me and when I did, I started to feel more peace and hope inside. 

I’m making it sound as if this was an easy change for me.  It wasn’t.  I’ve had to focus on changing for many years and there were times when I wondered if I had made any progress at all.  Then.  A few years later I was talking with Spencer again.

He said, “You’ve changed.  I’m proud of you!”

That’s when I finally felt as if I had become a new person, a person much closer to the person I had been trying to create.  And, I wanted to make a difference for a friend feeling hopeless terror.  So, we talked on the phone at the end of the day.

She said, “Toward the end of the crisis my boss took the time to come in and talk with me. She asked how I liked working there.  I said, ‘I couldn’t imagine working anywhere else.  These people are my family.’”

Then she went on to say that as soon as those words had passed her lips, her boss looked at her and said, “Today’s circumstances have confirmed that we don’t want to lose you, so we’re creating a new position for you!  Would you like that?”

It was at that moment that her terror had indeed been replaced with the cloaked opportunity.   I could hear it in her voice!  She is excited to more forward with confidence and feels much more able to chose to see new opportunity all around now.

We all feel very afraid at times in life.  When you do, practice seeing opportunity.   See what doors it will open for you!

The Player That Can't Lose

“I remember losing at tic-tac-toe.  When I lost one game I decided to study the game so I would always win or draw.” – Dan Arnold

The Player That Can’t Lose

Most people don’t view life as a game.  But my friend Dan Arnold, who has successfully run a financial services company for more than twenty years, has used the simple game of Tic-Tac-Toe as his life approach model for most of his life.  He explained it to me one day as we sat talking in between flights.

“I remember losing at Tic-Tac-Toe!”  He said. “When I lost one game I decided to study the game so I would always win or draw.”

Dan then explained to me. “In doing so, I learned much more than how to just win a modest game.  I learned that if I was going to have a successful life, I needed to approach it in the same way.  I needed to know I would win in advance!”

I knew Dan was right, but I wanted to confirm his philosophy through one of my technical sources, Stephen Ostermiller, a computer programmer and game designer.  And, he was able to break it down into much more detail.

Stephen says, “If you know what you are doing, you can’t lose at Tic-Tac-Toe. If your opponent knows what they are doing, you can’t win at Tic-Tac-Toe. The game is a zero sum game. If both players are playing with an optimal strategy, every game will end in a tie.”

Stephen continued, “Surprisingly few people know optimal Tic-Tac-Toe strategy. Yes there are some people (and computers) that you will never beat, but they are relatively rare. Knowing this, you can become a Tic-Tac-Toe master.”

And, yes Dan can be identified as one of the relatively rare people who have become a Tic-Tac-Toe Master.  But, more importantly he has given you and me the key to mastering our own lives!  I call it “Tic-Tac-Toe Living.”

Here’s how Stephen breaks down the four kinds of players: 

1.     The Novice player makes random moves.

2.     The Intermediate player will block their opponent from winning.

3.     The Experienced player knows that playing in certain first squares will lose the game.

4.     The Expert player will never lose.

Stephen adds, “Pitting these players against each other, you can see that in all cases, the better player wins more.”  He has even completed a statistical analysis to show how each type of player performs against the other types.  I won’t make you go through all that.  But, he confirmed that Dan’s Tic-Tac-Toe Living philosophy is a real winner!  So, you and I can decide what kind of life player we want to be.

We can be the kind of person who makes random moves, a person who just reacts to or guesses at what life throws at them.  Or, we can spend our time simply positioning ourselves against those we see in life as our opponents.  Perhaps at this point in life you and I will be the person who has discovered enough about ourselves to know certain first squares to avoid?  But, Tic-Tac-Toe Living opens the way for us to do more!

You and I can spend the time necessary to discover what my friend Cliff Hurst calls our “Purpose Economy.”  That is what we are best at and love to do.  Then, we can take deliberate and perfect incremental steps so we’ll be assured of our success in advance.

Our success in following the Tic-Tac-Toe Living formula can be quantified, as Stephen has demonstrated.  So, nothing can hold you back!  No one can possibly know the rules of your personal life game better than you do.  Become an expert in your purpose, purposefully so you’ll be the player that can’t lose!

Daniel's Four P's

“Most people just keep doing what they don’t like to do to support themselves financially without taking the time to understand the four key elements of happiness and success.” - Daniel Pandza

Daniel’s Four P’s

My friend Daniel took the time to eat breakfast with me a couple of Saturdays ago.  He is the personification of tall, dark and handsome.  He’s also a teacher at heart and has spent the past few years developing his theory of the “Four P’s.” He was kind enough to spend a time teaching me about them so I could pass his realizations on to you.

“Most people just keep doing what they don’t like to do to support themselves financially without taking the time to understand the four key elements of happiness and success.”  Daniel said to me.  His search for purpose led him to completely dissect differing business and innovation models so he could understand them down to their foundational terms.  But, what impresses me most is the way he simplified his conclusions down to a personal level so he could incorporate them into his own life.

Think of the Four Ps (Passion, Possibilities, Purpose and Prosperity) as foursquare game.  A person living in the lowest, furthest to the left square is living day to day just working to make money for survival.  Such a person may be unhappy or a little happy, but they know there is more, they’re searching for a better more joyous life.  Daniel says of such a situation, “ When a person is living this way they are not easily able to discover their passion.  They can’t see possibilities to pursue their true purpose and as a result, they will never reach prosperity.”

As Daniel talked, I was visualizing myself sitting in a large grass play yard.  The grass was dark green, perfectly cut and my position in the first square was outlined with chalk marks, just like those on a baseball or football field.  If I stood upright in this first square I could see that I could move about, but external forces could also easily buffet me.

Daniel got me to understood that getting one knee in my passion square, one knee in my purpose square, one hand in my possibilities square and one hand in my prosperity square would give me critical strength and stability.  It would allow me to remain on track and move forward with clarity and balance.

“When I was able to feel this stability I soon found that I could shed my life of things I didn’t want.  Such distractions weren’t helping me to get what I wanted.  And, I began to make enough money that I was financially comfortable.  I was able to pass on things I didn’t really want; at one time I thought they were good, but deep inside knew they were never a perfect fit for me.  Now I am fully focused on my passion and purpose.”

Being anxiously engaged in personal passion and purpose naturally reveals new possibilities.  These new possibilities open the gate onto the path of prosperity.  In the end Daniel asked me an important question that I’m asking you now.  “If you were to cut back your work time, so you could use your heart and mind to focus on your passion and purpose, who could you become?”