Being There for Others

“Because you answer”

-Richard Ure

Being There for Others

One of my favorite definitions of love is “giving someone the power to destroy us and trusting they won’t use it.”  Sometimes we forget there’s a difference between instant gratification and the development of a deep bond between people.  My daughter Annie brought this truth back into my thoughts as I was on a day trip with her to visit the new puppy she had purchased.

We were driving back home after having visited her snuggly little dog.  (He is four weeks old, so we left him with his mother for another three or four weeks.)  As we drove and talked about what a great puppy pick she had made she said, “They’re very nice people.”

As she spoke I thought, “It’s the same in any new relationship.  When we first meet someone, we’re excited, they’re excited, and everything is perfect.  But the trust we need to feel that our associate would watch our backs and help us grow, to really feel like we belong, takes time and energy.”

So, I gave Annie the statement she is tired of hearing by now, “Time will tell.”

The more we’re willing to make ourselves vulnerable around others, the more we will learn to trust them.  I was working with my friend Richard Ure this week when he said, “I know I rely on you a lot, but it’s because you answer my calls.”  He went on to explain that because I answer his calls and fulfill the assignments he asks for help on, he trusts me.  We work together as volunteers to help improve teaching techniques and classroom effectiveness, so everything we do comes directly from our hearts.  And, our work has allowed me to discover a couple to things that increase generosity and trust with those we care about.

First, the more good things we do, the more good we want to do.  I remember walking in Crossroads Mall about thirty-five years ago when I saw a young man running toward me with a security guard in hot pursuit.  The guard yelled, “Stop that man.”

It was a strange thing because after he yelled, the crowd parted to open a path for the fleeing man!  I remember thinking how strange that was at the time.  He was running straight at me, so I took action and threw a body block at him.  He bounced off a display case and continued to run.  “Great, now I need to chase him.” I said to myself.  I then ran him down and delivered him to the security guard.

I felt good having helped, but I felt even better when I was in a bank in the same mall, a couple of days later when an elderly woman said, “be nice to this young man, he’s a hero.”  I’d never thought of myself as a hero before and her kind comment made me feel so good inside that I wanted to act like a hero for the rest of my life!  Doing good leads us to want to do more good.

Second, physical contact demonstrates a sign of our willingness to trust, even more than a signed contract.  Physical contact reinforces the bond we have others and shows our commitment to work together for a common goal.  Until I understood this principle I always wondered why people shake hands or give each other a high-five, fist or body bump.  A simple gesture such as giving someone a gentle pat on the back or holding their hand when they’re afraid goes a long way toward showing that we care and will be there for the other person.  Think of the last time someone gave you a warm handshake and how it made you feel on the inside.  Offering a reassuring touch to those we care about will deepen our relationships in ways we can’t really understand.  It is magical.

Being there for others, deepening our personal relationships, will allow us to be happy.  A study completed in 2011, published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, showed that people who claim to be happy live thirty-five percent longer than less happy people!

Simply knowing that our friends and family are there for us, just looking at pictures of the people whom we love and who love us, make us feel good and not feel alone.  When that happens, we feel like being there to answer and to do what we can to help them feel the same way.