“I’m sorry to take so long to get back to you.  I’ve just returned from spending a month-and-a-half with my mother in Florida.” - Tamala Stewart

Time Spent

“I’m sorry to take so long to get back to you.  I’ve just returned from spending a month-and-a-half with my mother in Florida because she was ill.” Tamala Stewart said mildly.

“How is your mother doing now?”  I asked.

Tamala responded tentatively, quietly, “She passed away.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that!  I know how difficult that is.”

Tamala told me that her mother had asked her not to make the lonely, two-day drive when she fell ill.  She was worried about her daughter’s safety on such a long drive.  So, Tamala didn’t tell her mother she was coming.  She just showed up at her doorstep after the lengthy drive.  That’s when she learned that driving there, was without a doubt, the right thing for her to do.

“When I spoke with my mother on the phone the illness wasn’t viewed as a big deal.  But, when I arrived she had received medical testing that told her that cancer had spread throughout her body and she had a little more than one month to live!”  Tamala explained.

As soon as her mother broke the news, Tamala made immediate preparations to stay in Florida with so she could be there with her mother.  She almost completely shuttered her business and she spent about forty-five days giving her mom her full attention.  Yet, when those pain filled days ended Tamala continued to fight a feeling that she should have been able to do more.  She should have been able to somehow restore her mother to full health.  After all, her mom seemed to be completely healthy with lots of energy up to the time she began to feel pain in her side.  

I could her the pain in her voice as she described her feelings.  So, I asked, “Do you think your time spent with your mother made a difference to her?”

“Yes!”  Tamala said.

“How would you be feeling now had you not followed your heart, drove to Florida and stayed to just be there with your mom?”  I paused.  “May I offer you another thought?”

Many people say they have no time to spend time with their loved ones.  Yet, all people have a choice of what they’re going to do with their time.  It often appears as if many making such a declaration of “not having the time” simply rush away after stating it.  It’s almost as if they are chasing a mythical clock.  One they can never catch!

“Is there a difference between time spent and time well spent?  I asked.  “Do you believe the time you spent with your mother was time well spent?

Tamala face was overshadowed by a pensive look that immediately crowded the other look, despair, off her face.  She knew that she’d be able to finally cherish the time she was able to spend with her mother.  To cherish those forty-five days!  After all, she had given her mother the greatest gift any person could give another; a knowledge of time well spent.

Our talk together was also time well spent.  Right after she had said, “I’m sorry to take so long to get back to you.  I’ve just returned from spending a month-and-a-half with my mother in Florida because she was ill.”   We talked.  We spent time.

We enjoyed time well spent knowing that everyone, will eventually have spent all of their time.

“It was an important afternoon!” – Lorraine Broderick

An Important Afternoon

“It was 1943.” Lorraine said.  “I remember thinking, why didn’t I have anybody?  When momma and daddy died in the car accident, I should have died too!”

Lorraine Broderick was talking about how we all look foolish at one time or another.  This was one such time for her.  It was one of those days when she was feeling alone and, well, blind because for some reason she had forgotten one important afternoon!  

“I remember stubbornly dwelling on the thought, that I didn’t I have anybody of significance in my life?”  Lorraine stopped, sort of reminisced vacantly, and then continued her story.  “At the moment of my deepest despair, a pivitol instant, I had another thought.  One that overtook that painful, stubborn one.” 

At the peak of her pain, this other thought opened the door for her to be released and travel psychologically.  In the blink of an eye she was back on a street near her childhood home in Hartford, Connecticut in 1943.  That was the day she met John Smith, a newspaper-stand attendant just down the road from where she lived.

“I bought a paper from him for a nickel.  He had tobacco juice on his lips.  But, I talked to him because he was so nice to me.  He told me all about selling papers.”  She reflected with tears welling up in her eyes.   “He said I was very nice.  He asked me my name and where I lived.  We talked about school and growing up.  And, just before we parted he told me I’d grow up one day to be a lovely person.  He was the nicest man I had ever known and I only knew him for one afternoon.”

The memory of her afternoon with John Smith, a man she’s only known for a few minutes, on one day, turned the path of Lorraine’s life many years later, when she needed it most.   

“John had more faith in me than anyone else!  For some reason I knew that, from the moment we met. And, we simply talked while I helped him sell papers for the afternoon.”  

Yet, as it turned out, it was an important afternoon for both of them.  Shortly after Lorraine’s life was changed by John for a second time, she found out that their afternoon together had also changed the path of John’s life.  

“An insurance adjustor knocked on my door in Los Angeles.  He had spent weeks trying to find me, so he could tell me how important I was to John!”  Lorraine recalled. “The adjustor told me that John had worked very hard for the rest of his days so he could give me everything he had when he passed away. His entire estate was $1,500.”

“It was 1943.” Lorraine said.  “I remember thinking, why didn’t I have anybody?  When momma and daddy died in the car accident, I should have died too!”

Lorraine Broderick was talking about how we all look foolish at one time or another and that one afternoon can have the power to change a life, forever.  This was one such time for her.  It was one of those days when she was feeling alone and, well, blind because for some reason she had forgotten about John Smith and their afternoon together!  

It was an afternoon when two people’s lives were forever changed.  Two were rescued.

It was an important afternoon!

“We started in one direction and as we moved forward we began to see another, more exciting opportunity!” - Simon Dunlop

Artificial Intelligence

Simon looked a little bleary-eyed.  He had flown forty-five hundred miles.  I recognized that jetlagged look.  I’ve seen it in the mirror many times over the years.  Yet, there was also another look visible in Simon’s otherwise twinkling eyes.  Those same eyes are a portal to a distinctive view of intuitive human intelligence.

Simon’s company, Instreamatic, is a Google-backed Artificial Intelligence (AI) company that helps brands, such as Google, listen to and understand consumer needs through advertising engagement.  They started their venture by building an extensive audio advertising network with an interactive voice AI component. Since then, they’ve gone on to build a powerful AI platform that understands unstructured and free-form user responses. It’s become the core of a new kind of intelligence tool.

New tool; combined with human intuition! 

While meeting with Simon on Wednesday, last, the enduring impression I kept having was his own humanistic tools.  I continually recognized his specific intuitive intelligence.  It caused me to have a little private chuckle as our conversation brought to mind a marquee sign, at a local church, once announcing “Not all of life’s answers can be found on Google.”  The story of Simon and his company provides plausible additional meaning to this statement and offers continued introspection for all to consider.

“Simon,” I said.  “What makes your company really stand out to me was something you said when we last talked.  Didn’t you tell me you started out building your intelligence product to be able to push specific products to people through voice interaction?  But, along the way you discovered something unexpected and much more meaningful?”

“Yes.”  He answered. “We started in one direction and as we moved forward we began to see another, more exciting opportunity!”

“That’s it!  I think you also said, along the way forward you were able to discover something that Google couldn’t see or anticipate?”

“Yes.”  He responded again.  “This put us in an interesting position because they’re one of our principal investors and we wanted to be sure we were providing them with the value they were looking for.  At the same time, we discovered something we believed would benefit them and our other investors much more than predicted.”

“I would characterize your discovery, use of your technology, as an opportunity to move forward from “market push” to “market-pull,” because it allows you to find what loyal customers have in common, what unhappy customers have in common and how this changes trends over time. Is that right?”

“I would say it allows us to quickly see commonalities, so our customers can provide people what they’re looking for.  This is different than working to sell their customers something they don’t really want or need.”  Simon concurred.

“Not all of life’s answers can be found on Google.”  I snickered internally again, as I looked across our shared table into the eyes of one exhibiting intuitive human intelligence.  Simon Dunlop’s eyes.

Simon looked a little bleary-eyed.  After all, he had just flown forty-five hundred miles.  I recognized that jetlagged look.  I’ve seen it in the mirror many times over the years.  Yet, there was also another look visible in Simon’s otherwise twinkling eyes.  Those same eyes are a portal to a distinctive view of the significance of intuitive human intelligence.

The kind of artificial intelligence that expresses unique, human value.

“She asked me if I was working and what my goals were.” – Darlene Jackson

Walking Forward

“She asked me if I was working and what my goals were.” Darlene Jackson said.

Darlene and James are moving to Florida.  They’re doing so because Darlene needs to be living in a warmer climate; one that stays temperate all year long.

“My doctors told me living in a climate that doesn’t get cold would help me.  I’ve really struggled ever since I flew down the stairs.”  She explained.

It was about four years ago when Darlene “flew without wings.”  She crashed hard on the fly-over stairs when she landed.  When she stilled at the bottom of those steps she had broken one collarbone, femurs in both of her legs and one arm.  She also had severe internal injuries.  It’s taken her all four years just to reach one goal.  Walk one half block without a walker, cane or other assistance.  She did it this week!

“I was on the phone talking with lady in Florida about the right place to live when she asked me about my profession and my goals.”  Darlene continued.  “She was a quite speechless when I told that my job was to work to get strong enough to walk, unaided, a half block!”

Then Darlene talked a little more about how flying over stairs has changed more about her than physical, bodily injuries; her steps forward, after landing on steps.

“I had been thinking about how to change my life a lot.  I was always busy.  Running hard.  Too hard!  I just couldn’t figure out how to make a change to slow down!”  Darlene elucidated.

Her “flight toward walking forward” is what made that change possible.

“I’ve struggled, sure, through all of the surgeries and pain.  There is no doubt about that!  But, I have to tell you, that one single flight, gave me the sought, life-changing answer I was looking for.”

Darlene’s three step answer.

Desire simplification.  Darlene was forced to focus on one supreme thought.  Heal enough to be able to walk a few steps, solo.  Her entire focus over the past four years has been all-consuming and consistent even while having to endure extreme pain.

Endure short term pain.  Darlene says that enduring pain has been much easier because of her clear, deep desire.  “Pure desire while walking toward a heart-felt purpose is the most effective pain relief I’ve ever experienced.”  She instils.

Live with simple purpose.  Darlene has discovered a distinct difference between superfluous purpose and yearning aspiration.  Such craving has made a difference for her in one specific direction.  Forward.  She’s content having selected to live through this single purpose, one-way-ticket.

“She asked me if I was working and what my goals were.” Darlene Jackson said as we began our conversation about walking forward.

Darlene and James are moving to Florida.  They’re doing so because Darlene needs to be living in a warmer climate; one that stays temperate all year long.  It’s just one more step in her yearning aspiration to walk forward.

“As soon as I left it dawned on me that she already lives with me.” – Ford Cragun

Already There

There are all kinds of bridges in this world.  I was on one of them yesterday in Columbus, Ohio.  It was the Main Street Bridge.

The Main Street Bridge was the site of the Columbus Fiery Foods Festival.  It’s a show case and tasting event for, mostly, hot sauces.  The day before walking that bridge I brought a couple of my own homemade hot sauces, Ghost Pepper and Fiery Smoked Habanero, as a gift to my daughter Annie.  That’s when she surprised me with her own gift; labels she designed and made for my sauces.  “Loose Nut Hot Sauces.”  

And, the next day we were off to the fiery bridge to taste hundreds of other offerings, savors and sights hoping for some inspiration for new Loose Nut tastes to enjoy.  That being said, perhaps I should have also said insights!

You see, I’d had lunch with my friend Ford Cragun the week before leaving for Columbus. It was another spicy affair since we were dining at Wright’s Barbeque on NE 3rd Street.  The food was great, as always, and the spicy flavors seemed to loosen Ford’s tongue a little too!  As we talked and ate he had a message flash across his telephone screen and then his face.  It was from one of his daughters.  The flashed messages shifted our conversation to another direction totally, as he recounted a related story.

“My wife and I were eating dinner in a Sandy restaurant when we noticed a young woman who seemed to need help.”  He said.  “I remember thinking at the time that this woman needed shelter.  Not just a roof over her head, but refuge; a place where she could find respite.”

It was just a feeling he had.  He didn’t know her or her circumstance directly, so he didn’t feel comfortable approaching a complete stranger to see if she needed help.  So, Ford and his wife left the eatery and got in their car to drive home.  They hadn’t driven far when he had a thought.

“As soon as I left it dawned on me that ‘she’ already lives with me.  She’s already there in my home.” Ford said, with tears in his eyes.

That was the moment he crossed a bridge toward a new relationship with his daughter!  With one brief dawning of understanding he learned something extraordinary.

“I learned then that I had been able to accept strangers.  But, I hadn’t been able to extend the same kind of unconditional love and compassion toward my own daughter!  It was as if this mental and emotional ‘dawning’ created an undiscovered bridge for me to cross; a new approach to help someone precious to me!”

There are all kinds of bridges in this world.  I was on one of them yesterday in Columbus, Ohio.  It was the Main Street Bridge where I was enjoying a fiery foods festival.  That Bridge was the site of the Columbus Annual Fiery Foods Festival.  It’s a show case and tasting event for, mostly, hot sauces.  The day before walking the bridge I brought a couple of my own homemade hot sauces, Ghost Pepper and Fiery Smoked Habanero, as a gift to my daughter Annie.  She surprised me with her own gift; labels she designed and made for them.  “Loose Nut Hot Sauces.”  

Just one week earlier, Ford introduced me to another kind of bridge, a relationship bridge. And, it seems as if, perhaps there’s a little loose nut in all of us.  After all, we all have fiery relationships with those we love at one time or another and there are lots of ways to bridge potential fissures with our loved ones.  

Just remember that in many cases, such bridges of understanding are already available right in our own homes.  Sometimes, they just need to dawn on us.

“Since my wife was diagnosed with cancer it has become easy for us to see who really cares about us.” – Jay Blackshear

Who Cares

Sometimes, keeping the home fires burning requires help from the outside, even when there is a wood burning stove inside.  I was inside such a home a couple of days ago.

I was walking with Jay Blackshear last Wednesday in his home, which is located high in remote mountains.  It was there, in the otherwise empty living room, I saw a wood and coal burning stove, most often used in Amish and Mennonite homes.  This dual-fuel home fire stove has the ability to keep an entire home warm using either type of fuel.  But it is this stove’s ability to automatically and slowly feed the fire with small amounts of low-sulphur coal that makes it an appliance of high value.  That’s because It eliminates the need to stoke the fire in the middle of the night, or when the residents are out for an extended period of time.  After all, everyone likes to enjoy warm refuge in a cozy home after they’ve been out in the cold!  But, Jay was about to teach me about different kinds of warmth; like friendship.

“We got back home yesterday at six a.m.” Jay said.  “Since my wife was diagnosed with cancer it has become easy for us to see who really cares about us.”

Jay and his wife, Christine had been in the emergency room for four of the last six nights!  I could see the fatigue in his eyes as he told me of how the medication provided by her doctors had caused her condition to worsen.

“I don’t blame them!”  He explained.  “They’re doing the best they can.”

I was glad to be there with him.  I mostly just listened to his heroic tale.  It was a story that began in Mexico where he was pastoring a church after leaving their home in Texas.  They had been there for two years before he came home one day to find his wife sobbing.  She was not feeling well!  So, they left the church they had built together and he brought her back to Texas, so they could be with family and friends.  It was there that they began trudging on her long road toward recovery.

Part of this path to recovery led them to the top of serene mountains.  The peace of the place made a difference for her health.  It made a difference for their family.  The medications she was on seemed to be making progress in battle.  Until, there was an unwelcome change.

When her physicians changed her medication, her body revolted.  She crashed into medical crisis.  They were fighting for her life, spending seemingly unending hours not able to stoke the fires supporting the comforting life of home.

“We thought the neighbors around us would demonstrate their care for us by offering encouragement.”  Jay said with pain laced with his vocalization.  “But the people we thought cared for us most never came!  It’s been mostly friends and family from a far.  We’ve also had people from the fringe of our lives, people we’ve recently met who’ve come to support us.”

It is this kind of friendly support, just lending a listening ear and being there to sit with them for a while that makes the difference.  Such kindness slowly, steadily feeds small amounts of love that keeps their home fires burning, while they haven’t the strength to keep them aglow alone.

“Just receiving a short call from a friend to check in with us makes all the difference!”  Jay emotionalized through his voice.

Sometimes, keeping the home fires burning requires help from the outside, even when there is a wood burning stove inside.  I was inside such a home a couple of days ago.

I was walking with Jay Blackshear last Wednesday in his home, which is located high in remote mountains.  It was there, in the otherwise empty living room, I saw a wood & coal burning stove and Jay.  We were keeping his home fires burning, together.

“Caden starts kindergarten on Monday, it’s a big milestone for all of us!” – Sam Baker

Relationship Art

“It’s a big milestone for all of us!”  Sam said as he excitedly shared that Caden, his oldest child, was going to be starting kindergarten on the coming Monday.

“Enjoy it!”  I said.

I wasn’t surprised to see that Sam, a Senior Merchandise Financial Planning Manager at the world’s larger retailer, was paying such attention to the small details of living.  Because, Sam is an attendant to the little things in business and life.  

During our talk this morning he shared his “Making Little Things Matter Tips; ways to focus on being a little more thoughtful every day.”

First. “Ask how people like to be communicated with.  I know it may sound as if it is a little over the top, but let me tell you a little story!” Sam went on to elucidate by telling the story of how when one of his friends would never respond to the voice mail messages he left, he finally asked for his friend’s preferred method of communication.  “My friend told me he communicates almost entirely through texting. When I made that simple shift, my frustration ended!”  Sam said.  “Making that small change allowed me to demonstrate my commitment to our relationship; that I was in it for the long haul.”

Second. Manage relationships with a long-term-view. “This means being in it for the other person.”  Sam explains.  “It means staying connected by showing genuine interest in what’s happening in other people’s lives. It means listening to them.”  

Third. “I keep practicing the art of having, predominantly, one-sided conversations in relationships.” Sam teaches.  “That means listening to other people at least ten times more than I talk.  I hope I’m becoming more of a ‘relationship artist’ by behaving like this in an intentional way.” 

Fourth. “Relationship Artists create a prearranged schedule of activities.”  Sam says. We have a family council on a preset day and time each week.  It lets all family members know what’s going on behind the scenes.  Everyone gets a turn to give an update.”  Sam went on to explain a discovered side benefit when he started this practice. “Doing so also lets everyone sacrifice for each other in a small way, because we all need to be flexible, to give-and-take around everyone’s schedule.”

Fifth. “Put your significant other’s important events in your calendar. Take time to comment on social media posts at least once each day. I’ve found that even just posting a ‘like’ makes the people I’m in relationship with feel special.  It’s a tangible way to show I’m engaged in their living.”

Finally. “Recognize and celebrate happy events and be there to support them during sad moments.”  Sam counsels.  “Just be there with them. There’s most often no need solve their problem or give them an unsolicited solution.  Just be there. I love the story of Job, in the Bible, because it describes about how his friends just sat with him for days, without talking, when everything in Job’s life was crashing!”  Acting in such a devoted way would be a landmark moment for any Relationship Artist.

So, as a Relationship Artist, Sam will just be there for Caden’s first day of kindergarten! 

“Caden starts kindergarten on Monday, it’s a big milestone for all of us!”