Great and Terrible

“You live as if you were destined to live forever, no thought of your frailty ever enters your head, of how much time has already gone by you take no heed.  You squander time as if you drew from a full and abundant supply, though all the while that day which you bestow on some person or thing is perhaps your last.” - Lucius Annaeus Seneca.

Great and Terrible

“I’m in Oregon.”  Kyle said.  “We’re here visiting our son and grandbaby.”

Suddenly, making the phone call felt like a violation, as if using this time was steeling; something that could never be replaced.  Perhaps this feeling came in combination with the revelation Kyle had already granted; a sure knowledge of the transient nature of individual time.  His presence in America’s Northwest, if nothing else, proved his deep-rooted acceptance of this truth.  It also revealed three important branches of that deeply rooted understanding.  He was in Oregon on this day because he has been completely and thoroughly changed.  A singular change that occurred upon discovering and then grasping his “what, why and who.”

“What” means at least two different, yet directly connected things to Kyle.  His first “what” was announced through small tremors.  Who knew that small, almost imperceptible quivers, could be both great and terrible?  Could one have guessed that minor and almost undetectable trembling could bring about mighty change?  Yet, magnificent transformation has come to Kyle as a result of his ability to catalyze his first “what” with an essential second.  A purpose.

“I know that I can be healed.”  Kyle said, as he explained, with exactness, his plan to fulfill his purpose; to become healthy, be healed, to live life in its greatest possibility.  He understands every detail of his purpose, the process he’s pursuing to reach this all-consuming goal, right down to a vivid portrayal of his deepest feelings.  His description of raw, human feeling is most striking because his purpose would lack conviction, depth and meaning without the discovery of his personal “why.”  A reason.

Kyle’s reason is much more than merely a healing of body.  His reason and purpose are all relationship based.  He’s following a process carefully designed to heal his body, build his personal associations and empower his spirit.  That means living happily, creatively and connected to the most important people in his life.  His who.

“I’m in Oregon.”  Kyle said.  He was there with his “who.”  The people he loves most.

Suddenly, making the phone call felt like a revelation, as if using this time was a privilege; learning of how something terrible can be turned into greatness.  Perhaps this feeling came in combination with the revelation Kyle had already granted; a sure knowledge of the transient nature of individual time.  His presence in America’s Northwest, if nothing else, proves his deep-rooted acceptance of this truth.  It also revealed the three important branches of Kyle’s relationship-rooted understanding.  He was in Oregon on this day because he has been completely and thoroughly changed.  Change occurring upon discovering how to turn something terrible into something great by grasping his own what, why and who.

Grounded in Giving

“There is about three quarters of an acre behind my church.” – Tom Rohr

Grounded in Giving

“My company’s purpose and motto are, ‘waste nothing.’”  Tom said as he introduced his business on a day filled with on and off again rain.  “I’ve also found that carrying this through to additional areas of my life has changed me in an amazing way.  It’s incorporation into my personal life genuinely took off one day while talking with others in my community about ways we could help some of our fellow parishioners struggling to have enough food to eat.  That’s when I had an illuminating experience.”

During that meeting Tom looked over the shoulders of those right in front of him.  There was sunlight streaming in through the windows as if to highlight an opportunity he hadn’t noticed before.

“It was almost as if the sun was acting as a spotlight to show me what I hadn’t truly seen before!”  He continued.  “Our congregation owns an additional three quarters of an acre beyond our building and managed landscaping.  Of course, we all knew it was there, but we’d never thought of using that land for a greater purpose.  It was about to become part of the solution to the hunger issue we were discussing at that very moment.”

Tom got the message!  It was the perfect way for him to unite his business philosophy with action in his personal life.

“We have the land to grow a lot of food right there!” He said pointing at the plot through the glowing glass frames.  “Let’s walk out there to talk about how we can transform this land and lives at the same time!”

That was about four years ago.  Since then Tom and other members of his parish have worked together to create a prosperous community garden.  It’s a garden that feeds the participants continually.  And, the effort has now gone way beyond just filling hungry bellies.

“It’s become an all-encompassing lesson about the value of sharing our individual knowledge and experience as well.  It’s been a process of discovery for all of us.  We’ve discovered and value each other’s unique knowledge and experience.  We’ve learned far more from each other than anticipated.  The great gardeners in our congregation have taught the rest of us how to grow delicious food.  Others who know a lot about food preservation have taught us how to prepare it so we all have food when we’re well past the growing season.  Skilled organizational experts, within our group, have taught us exceptional planning skills, how to work more effectively together and how to distribute the food and specific knowledge amongst ourselves well.”

They’ve accomplished more together than they ever could have imagined.  Tom says, “Working together has illuminated the way for us to accomplish more while becoming much more than we ever could have become on our own, to live abundantly.  Our garden has allowed us to become grounded in giving!”

Activate, Takeoff, Fly!

Lessons from an unsuspected movie expert.

Activate, Takeoff, Fly!

“I have two kids.  Boys.”  Clayton Bearden said to me as we were working together on Friday.  “One of them is graduating from high school and college today!”

I later learned that this son was one of only seven seniors in his very large high school to graduate with his high school degree as well as his Associate of Science degree.  I knew Clayton had two sons and the newly graduating son was his youngest.  And, his success made me wonder about the life path of his older brother as well.  

“His older brother is nothing like his younger sibling.  He never wanted to attend college.  He’s a lot more like me.  He’s a kind of adrenaline junkie.  Don’t get me wrong.  They’re both great young men.  I’m very proud of both of them.  They’re an improvement over their dad!”

Clayton’s older son is in the military.  In a way, he paved the way for his younger brother because he joined the national guard just before his senior year in high school and by the time he graduated and went to boot camp, he had already been promoted. Both boys recognized their personal skills, identified their path and then focused on moving forward, doing their best.

Think about some of your own greatest successes in life.  They most likely happened because you activated your own skills to make it happen, just like Clayton’s sons did.

Whether you and I realize it or not, we all have what it takes to be great on own our chosen path.  Yes.  That means none of us need to resort to yucky gimmicks or manipulation to get our best results.  Have I left you wondering?  Think about this.

While riding on a bus from an airport terminal to board an airplane last week I happened to be sitting next to an intellectually challenged man and his travel companion.  We began a light-hearted conversation.  At least I thought it was.  That is, right up to the time he asked me what the best Mary Poppins movie was.

Just as I was about to open my mouth to answer, he answered for me.

“It is the newest one!”  He blurted out.

His travel companion looked at me and said, “He’ll be able to tell you everything about almost any movie ever made!”

She was right.  He knew details I never dreamed possible.  He had such passion it was very clear to me that he had activated every skill his hunger would allow him to consume.

“I don’t think I’ve ever known this much about anything!”  I said to my new friends as we walked up the ramp and into the airplane so we could fly together.

Clayton had been teaching his sons about how they could fly together their entire lives.  Here are the truths that Clayton and my flight companions displayed about how everyone can fly their highest.

First, every person, ever born, has unique talent, personality, and interest.  Personal success comes by embracing those individual attributes.

Second, be true to who you really are and not who you think other people or institutions want you to be.  Clayton encouraged his boys to excel while embracing who they truly are.  He never compared his sons to each other.  And, he never discouraged them from focusing on their own paths.

Third.  Clayton’s sons and the unsuspected movie expert thrived as a result of their support system.  Those closest to them were able to recognize what made their life companions special and exceptional.  This third step is the critical catalyst for flight activation.

“I have two kids.  Boys.”  Clayton Bearden said to me as we were working together on Friday.  “One of them is graduating from high school and college today!”

“That’s true!”  I said to myself as Clayton left to meet his family and friends to celebrate his son’s success.  “And, you, your sons and an unsuspected movie expert have shown all of us the secrets to activate takeoff and flight for everyone!

When the World is too BIG

“Nobody ever asks anything about me.” – Olivia Stratford

When the World is too BIG

The phone ringing sound didn’t last very long.  It was replaced by a woman’s voice.  She announced the name of the business, for which she works, when she answered the call.  It’s a company I call with regularity.

“Hello Olivia.  How are you today?”  I queried immediately, after recognizing her voice.

“Oh.  I’m O.K.”  She replied with a palpable apprehension.

“That’s not much of an endorsement of your wellbeing!  What’s going on?”  I asked with a hope of drawing her out.  After all, I’m pretty sure I’ve spoken with Olivia on this same number for more than fifteen years.  She answers her company’s incoming calls, most of the time.  And, I’ve even met her face-to-face an almost innumerable number of times.  But that’s pretty much the depth of our relationship.

Even though our relationship is merely on the surface, this seemed to be the perfect opportunity to get to know more about her.  Perhaps I thought it an opportunity because I’d been spending a whole lot of time recently with Dilan Bashara.

Dilan is the definition of global goodness.  He’s a U.S. Citizen, but he grew up in the Middle East.  I think that’s one reason we’re drawn together.  Talking with him gives me warm memories of one of my other, long ago, dusty lives, working on the Arabian Peninsula.  That commonality has given us another, important thing in common.  A glimpse into what it feels like to live, and struggle, with a recurring feeling that the world’s problems are just too big for anyone to cope with.  That feeling is exactly what I felt in Olivia’s voice, over the telephone.  So, I asked her again.

“What’s going on?”

“Nobody ever asks anything about me!”  Olivia responded with surprise shedding from her words.

“That’s not true!  I’m asking you.”

“Well, there’s a lot!  I can tell you one thing.”  She said.  Then she continued on, releasing her burden.  She told me that one of her daughters, with six children, had just moved into her basement.  The father was an alcoholic and had become abusive to his wife and children.  Olivia had just finished working with her daughter to get a restraining order for their protection.  

I could feel her emotions spilling over, through our telephone connection.  I mostly listened and made sure she knew that I had heard her.  Yet, the whole time I was listening to Olivia I heard Dilan’s words in the back reaches of my heart, over and over again, like a continual ringing in my ears.

“Always remember, when you get overwhelmed by problems that seem too big, beyond your ability, you can always do small things.  You can always offer kindness on a personal basis.”

I know Dilan believes his own words because he lives by that creed.  He regularly gives assistance to those he knows and to those he doesn’t.  He does it because he desires to pass goodness directly to another, right from his heart.  Heart to heart.  He does it without any expectation of return.

I returned my full attention to Olivia, as soon as my remembrance of Dilan subsided slightly.

“Do me a favor?”  I asked.  “When you look in the mirror will you look at yourself right in the eye and say, ‘I’m not alone!”

Silence followed this very personal question. But, Olivia’s quiet apprehension didn’t last very long.  It was replaced by her softened voice.  She announced, with wonder, that she’d accept this heartfelt invitation.  And, since she works for a company I call with regularity I’m going to ask her that “how are you” question again, the next time I call.

“Hello Olivia.  How are you today?”  I’ll query immediately after she answers my call.  And, I’m hoping that she’ll feel what I learned from Dilan when she hears my voice.

“Always remember, when you get overwhelmed by problems that seem too big, beyond your ability, you can always do small things.  You can always offer kindness on a personal basis.”

Horse-Sense Listening

“I thought my horse had extra sensory perception for a long time!” – Joe Burton

Horse-Sense Listening

Joe, Marilyn and I walked from their yard toward the horse stalls in their farmyard.  At first, I didn’t see any horses.  Then, just past the second stall, two forward-pointing ears floated quickly toward us.

“She’s smiling at us!”  I thought to myself.  And then, it was clear she wasn’t happy to see us.  She was happy to see Joe!

“You can’t have a treat right now.”  Joe said to her.

As if those words mattered to the horse!  She simply stretched her neck a little further so she could be closer to him.

“Alright!”  He said next.  “Maybe I can get you something.”

That was the beginning of how I learned more about listening from a horse and her caring friends, Joe and Marilyn Burton.  There were other horses in the paddock that day as well, but just one of them truly connected with Joe.  I marveled at their relationship.  Luckily, we kept strolling around the farmyard so I could learn more about how to listen with the sense of a horse.

“I thought my horse had extra sensory perception for a long time!”  Joe explained to me while talking about, perhaps his favorite horse ever, Big Red.  “When we were out together she’d seem to know exactly where I wanted to go without me even telling her.”

I was intrigued!  I’d never heard of a horse with ESP before.  And I grew up with Mr. Ed, the talking horse playing on my television.  Yes.  I can tell the difference between fantasy and reality and I trust Joe, so I knew what he was telling me was the truth.  I listened intently.

“The more we were out together, the more I was convinced that this horse was special!”  He continued.  “Perhaps that’s why I began to pay more attention to her, because my relationship with her was important to me.”

Providing focused attention is how a horse demonstrates their affinity for people and other horses.  It’s the first tenet of Horse-Sense Listening.

“Because I was focused on her, I began to notice subtlety.”  Joe explained.  “I discovered that my horse was listening with more than just her ears!  She would seek clues to what I wanted, before I would ever use an overt ask.”

There are non-verbal subtilties to Horse-Sense Listening.  That’s the second tenet Big Red taught Joe about her exceptional listening skills.

“That’s why I began to pay attention to my own actions.”  Joe said with a smile.  “I began to experiment.  I soon noticed that if I wanted to turn to the left, my body was making and almost imperceptible pre-movement in that direction.  That’s how she knew where I wanted her to go.”

“Micro-sensitivity” is the third tenet of Horse-Sense Listening.  It means being so attuned to another, that the listener seemingly knows what another horse or person wants, or intends to do, just before the signaling party even recognizes that they’ve made a conscious choice.

“I love your horse stories!”  I said to Joe toward the end of our time together.

Joe, Marilyn and I then began to walk from their farmyard toward my car in their driveway.  I recognized that progression as Horse-Sense Listening, even though I could no longer see any horses.  It was a sign that Joe and Marilyn were truly important to me and that they, and their horses, had been able to teach me something of great value.  If our ears could have been forward-pointing they would have been.  We had to settle for smiles on our faces instead.

“We’re smiling at each other!”  I thought to myself as I climbed into my car to leave.  And, it was clear that Marilyn, Joe and I had benefited from our shared secrets of Horse-Sense Listening.

Someone Else's Eyes

Recognized pain seen only in someone else’s eyes

Someone Else’s Eyes

“We’re at mile marker 85” was the text in response to my earlier message, which said,

“I’ve arrived.  I’m in a white car.  You’ll see me parked on the side of the off-ramp at Exit 62.”

I was there waiting for Sarah Jade and her friend so I could answer their questions about a particular piece of land on the fringe of Utah’s Great Salt Desert.  We shared an interest in this area because of its majesty, solitude and sanctuary.  It made me feel connected to these people, people I’d never met in person.  So, I waited in anticipation of their arrival.

I soon saw a small car take the lonesome desert exit and glide to a stop next to my window.  We both lowered our windows and shared a greeting to confirm identities.

“Lynn?”  Monique, Sarah Jade’s friend inquired.

“Yes.”  I responded.

Sarah Jade peeked around her friend and said, “Hi Lynn.  It’s nice to meet you in person.

“Great to meet you!”  I said.  “Follow me and I’ll take you up the road to the land.”

We raised our windows and drove forward.  But, confirming identities with my companions also raised unanticipated feelings to match our surroundings.  You see, I had created my own version of these acquaintances well before they had arrived.  And, these people were nothing like my inaccurate manufacture.  Such feelings began to leave me feeling as isolated as the encompassing, remote desert terrain until a sudden and enlightening connecting-sight hit me as if a bolt of lightning in the middle of a bright, clear day, soon after we arrived at our destination.

We stopped, stood and looked.  I listened to Sarah Jade and Dominique paint their vision of what they could do there.  I listened intently as they described their life path.  The path that led them to this destination. They talked of their affinity for the place and what it offered.  I understood all of that.  But then, I saw that bolt of lightning.  You know, the one I described as coming out of the blue.

Dominique’s descriptive story referenced the small town in which she grew up.  She described the way she was treated by some of the people there.  I saw a flash of pain in her eyes.  The pain that pulled her to this place.  This hoped for sanctuary.

I recognized that pain and it cleansed me!  It cleansed me of my self-imposed feelings of difference.  It once again connected me to Sarah Jade and Dominique, as kindred, in an instant.  Because I recognized how they were just like me for the first time.  Well after we had met virtually.  Shortly after we met face to face.

“We’re at mile marker 85” Sarah Jade said through written word in response to my earlier message which said,

“I’ve arrived.  I’m in a white car.  You’ll see me parked on the side of the off-ramp at Exit 62.”

I was there waiting for Sarah Jade and her friend so I could answer their questions about a particular piece of land on the fringe of Utah’s Great Salt Desert.  We shared an interest in this area because of its majesty, solitude and sanctuary.  It made me feel connected to people I’d never met in person.  So, I waited with anticipation for their arrival.

What I didn’t anticipate from meeting Sarah Jade and Dominique was the arrival of a new understanding.  An understanding of how you and I can be connected in ways that surpass our current, inaccurate portrayal of how and why others supposedly differ from us.  New understanding comes from recognition.  Not a recognition of physical attributes, but of shared personal experience.  

It’s something we can only see by looking deeply into someone else’s eyes.

Something Good is Happening

“My kids have been working to help our family!” – Maria White

Something Good is Happening

I didn’t come to work with Maria White on this particular Friday afternoon to have my heart changed.  I didn’t even arrive at our office on the town square to receive additional hope. When I did arrive, early in the afternoon, the sky was cloudy and rain was threatening.  There was a steady breeze animating the trees and crinkling the once still puddles dotting the sidewalks and streets.  In all, it was a gray day, punctuated with lively movement and bright green foliage.  I guess I should have paid more attention to that positive movement and brightness at the time, since it was a scene the rest of the afternoon would emulate.  But, in my defense, I had never before moved to open one door to find that I had really opened another.

When I say, I had really opened another door, I’m giving myself way too much credit.  I more accurately should have said that I simply showed up and listened.  It was listening to Maria’s story and taking it to heart that opened an unexpected door for me.

“I haven’t met you.”  Maria said when I arrived. Then we settled in to work.  But, it wasn’t all work.  We also spent time talking, getting to know each other.  And Maria’s tale illustrates that the only way to truly improve our relationships and communities is find our way back to each other.

“As the pandemic started my husband lost his job.  Then he found a new job only to get laid off again within a short time.”  She explained.  “That’s when my kids stepped up and began to help.”

The afternoon was still gray outside, but Maria’s story was filled with dynamic movement and was punctuated with the brightness of hope. When faced with adversity she and her family could have lost all confidence and had their spirits completely broken.  But, they rallied around each other and discovered at least three significant things.

First, they never loosened their bonds of relationship.  They rediscovered that their challenges are an amazing opportunity to strengthen their connection by serving each other.

Second, they focused on changing their hearts individually.  They moved forward through action, saying “I’m helping you because we’re all family!”

Third, they found that they already had everything they needed.  Each other.

As I listened I was glad Maria and I had found each other too. I didn’t come to work on this particular Friday afternoon to have my heart changed.  I didn’t even arrive at our office on the town square to receive additional hope. When I did arrive, early in the afternoon, the sky was cloudy and rain was threatening.  There was a steady breeze animating the trees and crinkling the once still puddles dotting the sidewalks and streets.  Outside, it was a gray day, punctuated with lively movement and bright green foliage.  And inside?  I paid riveted attention to Maria’s story of love and brightness of hope, since it sets the scene the rest of the of us emulate.  

Our continuing story can be one focused on showing charity to all, with malice to none, so something good will happen for every one in our human family.