“Sometimes we think there is so much bad happening in the world we don’t think doing a small amount of good will make a difference. But, it does!” – Eliseo Medina

Leap

Once in a while you meet people that make you want to be better. Today I met such people. They’re named Eliseo, Chelsea and Ramona Medina.

Sometimes such people aren’t conspicuous, until you look deeper. It can be like looking at one of those dot-to-dot puzzles, before you connect the numbers with lines. It takes a while before you begin to get the whole picture. That’s what it’s like when meeting the Medina’s.

Eliseo and his wife Chelsea own Medina’s Tri Tip Company, a small, nondescript eatery. In fact, thousands of people drive past it without notice. Yet, once you meet the Medinas and taste their food, your vision of this little operation changes instantly.

“My mom, Ramona, moved us here ten years ago.” Eliseo said.

His mother was willing to move across the country, to a place where she had no work lined up, and didn’t know anyone just to change Eliseo’s life. She knew Eliseo needed a change of place, people and environment.

“I was getting into trouble constantly. The environment made it impossible for me to live the kind of life my mother hoped for me.” He explained.

Ramona wanted to live with people who shared her own core values. Gladly, their move facilitated the change Ramona yearned for.

“It hasn’t always been easy for us. In fact, recently my wife and I came to a cross roads where we didn’t know how to best provide for our family. Then, I thought of my mom and her wonderful food. So, I said to Chelsea, let’s open a restaurant, use my mom’s recipes and bring our family’s homemade taste here.”

They did. It was the second huge leap of faith in Eliseo’s life. Little did they know that the third leap was just ahead for them.

When COVID arrived, their customers started telling them that they couldn’t come in because they weren’t working. In fact, they didn’t have money to buy groceries either. So, the Medina’s began to give food to people in need.

“It was a hard time, because our own business was so far off.” Eliseo said.

Eliseo knew they needed to increase their own income so they could help more. So, he developed a new beef jerky business using their restaurant kitchen.

“Now, we have a new kitchen across the way from our restaurant. It’s solely dedicated to making beef jerky while growing our revenue, just as we’d hoped.” Eliseo said of their growing business and philanthropy.

Today, Christmas gifts were flowing out of the restaurant door, carried and delivered by local firefighters who had themselves volunteered to help. 

“Sometimes we think there is so much bad happening in the world we don’t think doing a small amount of good will make a difference. But, it does!” Eliseo said.

Will leap with the Medinas?

“Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion.” – Michael Jordan

Newly Curious

“I wonder where this emotion is coming from?” Tien Lin said to himself.

Then he felt an uncomfortable gurgling in his lower abdomen. It was that all too familiar unhappy gut feeling. He’d had it as long as he could remember. And apparently, he’d had it his whole life, even before he could remember. His mother, God rest her soul, told him about her struggles to have him keep, even the blandest food inside and digesting.

“I wonder where this gurgling gut is coming from?” He asked, as a follow up question.

That’s when he remembered the conversation he’s had with his counselor Dave earlier that day.

“When you feel this physical manifestation make sure to go to your curiosity,” Dave had said. “The physical symptom is in set membership with an emotion.”

“STOP!” Tien cried out, just as Deepak Chopra had taught him. 

Then, he broke the letters apart and rehearsed the acronym steps he’s been given by Deepak.f

S is for stop. He remembered.

“Yes. I need to stop right now, at the moment I recognize that set membership with my body and emotion,” Tien recited to himself.

T. Take three deep breaths. “Deepak, said it will shift my mind to the four questions,” Tien breathed as the words echoed inside his head.

O. Observe your breath. So, Tien took the time to observe what was happening in his heart, mind and body.

P. Proceed with awareness and compassion.

Dave’s words, again, danced through Tien’s now calmed thoughts. “Treat yourself with compassion,” Dave had reminded him. After all, sometimes the holiday season isn’t always joyous for everyone.

Some of us spend the entire holiday season grieving and yearning for a return to what we consider to be “normal life,” so we can start to find meaning and purpose once again.

“What are those four questions of curiosity?” Tien asked himself. “Oh, yes: Who am I? What do I want? What is my purpose? What am I grateful for?”

These are questions of curiosity. They are the questions you could ask yourself every morning. They are, I wonder questions.

After all, sometimes the wonder of the holiday season leaves many to wonder differently.

“Why am I alone?”

“When will I find love?”

“Will I ever feel happy again?”

If you’re asking yourself such questions, let your curiosity offer you hope.  Remember to STOP every morning and ask yourself the four questions of curiosity.

Have you begun to wonder? Then, think about what Michael Jordan once said, “Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion.”

Let your new year begin, curiously.

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” – Maya Angelou

Keys to the Sleigh

It was early in the afternoon, on an early in December day. The Christmas decorations were everywhere. The atmosphere was festive. Perhaps most importantly, Santa was there. We weren’t there just to see Santa, but he was the main event for my grandkids for sure. You’ve been there too, I’m sure.

The kids line up to take their turn. Once their turn arrives, each child, often tentatively, walks the last few steps to the man dressed in red and white. Some are shy and some are open and talkative. The parents and grandparents mostly stand in the background, with hope painted on their faces. They hope for continued belief in Santa.

There are some who have lost their belief. And, that’s a sad thing. It’s a sad because rather than believing in the truth Santa, they have traded that truth for myth. Yet, the truth of Santa is, perhaps best expressed by Mya Angelou who said, “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” 

And, during this particular visit with Santa, he shared six additional keys which create the successful magic of his sleigh.

Santa, lives and works in the moment. Just watch Santa as he works, surrounded by kids. He focuses on each child individually, completely absorbed in each moment with each person. Sure, there is commotion all around, but he is never distracted by any of it. And, it leads each child to feel special and loved right up to the time his public time is over.

Santa, taps into restorative resilience. Santa doesn’t continually live in public. He makes sure to go home, after spending time with the kids, where he enjoys companionship from his spouse, eats delicious cookies and drinks cocoa to warm his heart. This naturally reduces his stress and allows him to thrive even during his busiest and most demanding time of the year.

Santa, manages his energy. Santa doesn’t continually engage in exhausting thoughts and emotions. He’s learned to manage his stamina by remaining calm and centered. It allows him to save his precious mental energy for tasks where he needs it most. Like listening to and caring for all the kids he comes into contact with.

Santa, does nothing, regularly. Santa doesn’t spend all of his time being intently focused on his work. He makes time for idleness, fun and irrelevant interests. This time gives him the ability to be continually creative and come up with breakthrough ideas.

Santa, is good to himself. Instead of always focusing only on his strengths and being self-critical, Santa understands that his brain is built to learn new things. Can you believe the range of new gifts he comes up with each year as a result?

Santa, shows compassion to others. Perhaps, Santa’s greatest strength is his ability to focus on others and maintain his supportive relationship with others over a lifetime. At least he’s done so for you year after year. After all, you believe in him, don’t you?

If you do, or don’t, accept these six magical sleigh keys as a gift from Santa. Use his keys! And, dramatically increase your joy personally, as well as in others. Just like Santa.

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“Our acts of compassion uplift others and make them happy. We may not know it, but by uplifting others we are also helping ourselves.” – Emma Seppala

Chain Reaction

I was sitting in her kitchen. She was standing and talking. When suddenly, her breath became halted.

“He’s just dealing with his demons,” she said while explaining why her husband, of more than twenty years, was away from their family. “I know he’ll figure it out. He’s back where we went to high school and is visiting as many people as he can. He was supposed to come back a week ago. Now I don’t know when he’ll be coming back.”

She took one very deep breath and then she shut her eyes, squeezing them, in their shut position, in an effort to stop the inevitable tears. He breath halted two or three more times as she continued to squeeze her eyes shut.

“It’s just that; he’s the love of my life,” she blurted, as if a hiccup.

Then, she turned tightly and walked out of the room. She had lost control of her the once held-back-tears. I simply watched, listened, waited and thought about what I’d been learning.

I contemplation what Emma Seppala has been teaching me about how compassion is often confused with empathy. Because it seemed to fit in this circumstance. Dr. Seppala says that empathy is the process related to experiencing another person’s feelings. It’s like automatically mirroring another person’s emotion, yet that was not what I saw as my friend teared up at the thought of her husband’s sadness, because It’s not identical to compassion. 

Compassion often happens as you notice another person’s suffering and it involves a genuine desire to help alleviate that suffering. That’s what my friend was experiencing, as demonstrated by her halted breath and hiccup-laden-tears. She wanted to help her loved one in some way. And, this desire walked back into the kitchen with her seconds later.

“He’ll work it all out. It will just take him some time. But, I know he’ll get there. He’s really a good person,” she explained.

Her kindness likely reminds you of how one act of goodness has the ability to produce more generosity in a chain reaction of goodness. You may have seen a news report about how such a chain reaction occurred after someone paid for the diners who come after them at a restaurant, or for drivers behind them at a tollbooth. It’s natural for people to keep generous behavior going. Acts of compassion uplift others and make the giver happy as well. And, my friend was immediately uplifted because of the compassion she was offering to her husband. 

“You may not know it, but by uplifting others we are also helping ourselves,” Dr. Seppala explains. Happiness spreads! if the people around you are happy, you become happier.

I was still sitting on a chair in my friend’s kitchen. She walked back toward me. Her breathing had changed. It had become soft, calm and healing, because of her expressed compassion.

Let the chain reaction of goodness begin!

Two Strangers. Two offers of kindness

Cotton Club

It was to be a Thanksgiving adventure. And, it was. Yet it turned out to be a little different, a little unexpected, and soft as cotton while the evening rolled up and down rail tracks toward dinner and back home.  You see, on the day before Thanksgiving we decided to head up-town on the local “1” train to 125th Street, so we could have a family dinner at Dinosaur Barbeque in Harlem.

As soon as the train stopped at 125th Street we walked out onto the platform and our gaze was immediately struck by the Christmas lights and decorations gracing 125th Street. It made the damp-dark evening bright and the walk west toward Dinosaur Barbeque just that much more hopeful. The lights also radiated off the side of the historic Cotton Club, until it’s glowing exterior seemed to welcome all passing this way, including the four of us.

The greetings offered by the lighted decorations and glowing Cotton Club seemed to be especially wonderful on this particular evening. Perhaps it was because it was Lachlan’s, our newest grandson, first pre-Thanksgiving-adventure. And, even though the weather was drizzling a little, he was held fast and warm, wrapped in his mother’s chest, right up to the time we were drenched in convivial smells of delicious food which enveloped all of our senses as we soaked in the atmosphere and filled our tummies. It seemed to be all we could ask for such an anticipated occasion. Yet, there was more, unanticipated warmth to come.

It continued as Lachlan was gathered up into his wrap and hat in preparation to walk out into the now, more steadily-falling rain, for the stroll east on 125th Street toward the train platform and home. Even then, the Cotton Club’s glow was hardly dimmed as we passed its beaconing presence. It gave us the encouragement needed to pass through the rain and once again board the train, as Lachlan’s eyes drooped.

Upon entering the crowded coach there was not one seat to be found. Until one, unassuming, young woman instantly and quietly stood to offer her seat to my damp daughter and her sleeping lad. There was no question in her eyes and no hesitation in her rise. So, gratefully, my packaged family sat in comfort, until we disembarked at the 96th Street platform pass through the turnstile and walk the final two-blocks home.

No sooner had we four passed through the turnstile when we heard, “excuse me. Excuse me.”

We turned toward the unfamiliar voice to see a man of age leaning over the turnstile, through which he had just passed, offering an umbrella from his left hand.

“Do you have an umbrella to protect your baby from the rain?” He asked as he caught our eyes.

Warmth again drenched my heart as we, in unison, answered, “we have a hat for him, thank you!”

It was a pre-Thanksgiving adventure wrapped in the softness of human kindness, an Incorporeal Cotton Club, giftwrapped the evening as we glided down the final blocks outside, toward home.  You see, on the day before Thanksgiving we decided to head up-town on the local “1” train to 125th Street, so we could have a family dinner at Dinosaur Barbeque, and we were wrapped in the caring softness two strangers, two offers of kindness, members of a Cotton Club.

“The biggest question I had as a child was, ‘how would I leave my mark on the world?’” – A monument

The Biggest Question

“When I was young we lived in a camp trailer without water or a restroom,” my friend Crystal Shelley said over the phone as I slid into my car.

She didn’t say that to complain. After all, she and her family enjoy an exceptional life. Yet, her point was that such has not always been her experience.

“My father has owned several businesses over the years,” she continued. “There were times when his businesses did well and there were times when they struggled.”

She remembers Christmas celebrations at home when they didn’t receive any gifts. It was because her father made sure all of his employees were paid and received their annual holiday bonuses. She said she didn’t mind those occasions because she knew her father was doing all he could do to love and care for them. Then, she spoke of the joy they had during a time when their business was very successful.

“We were overjoyed when my father took us to our new dream home. We had an amazing life there until the economy collapsed. Then, I watched my father cry as he locked the front door of that house as we all walked away, sorrowing at our loss.”

Yet, while discouraged, her father never gave up. He continued to work to provide for his family. And, a few years later he discovered an opportunity to purchase a business he had experience in. He seized the opportunity and moved his family to the other end of the state and started over. Now they were celebrating another ending.

“He just sold his business!” She said gleefully. “He’s going to retire now. Well, he says he is, but I know he’s going to be starting a small, part time business, just to keep doing what he loves. This time he’s doing it because he wants to, not because he needs to.”

She went on to tell me how proud she is of her father and mother and how she cried tears of joy on the day he called to tell her he had successfully sold his business. 

“I have the best parents in the world,” she confided.

She communicated this tribute just after I had left a meeting at a children’s shelter and had accepted her call, upon sliding into my car, while parked in the shelter’s parking lot. On the way back to my car I walked past a monument which was prominently displayed near the building’s entrance. The words on display read, “The biggest question I had as a child was, ‘how would I leave my mark on the world?’”

I sat and stared at those words as Crystal delighted me with her story. And, I marveled at the telling, because it was a verbal confirmation of the steel monument within my gaze. How can you and I answer childhood’s biggest question and leave our mark on the world? 

Crystal’s answer: Love those around you, never quit trying and celebrate, with gratitude, at your good fortune when it arrives.

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“No one else on this earth can do that for me.”- Stacie Mountain

Garden of Roses

Stacie stood near the front of the room. She’s not physically commanding, but something distinguishes her. It’s noticeable, even at a glance. That glance is merely an introduction.

When Stacie began to speak it was as if she whirled a lasso to fill the room and then began to draw it, along with everyone else, in.

“As a very young girl, and well into my 20’s, I honestly bordered on hatred of myself; hatred of how I looked, hatred of my body, hatred of how I acted, hatred of how I showed up in this world. I was constantly trying to obtain ‘something’ that was always out of my reach, whether it was a number on the scale or people pleasing. I wasn’t happy. I needed more,” she said.

Then she dug deeper.

“One of my early memories is that of being scooped up by my mother in the middle of the night. Our house was on fire! Once outside, away from the flames, my mother kept me wrapped in a blanket and held me, saying ‘everything will turn out fine.’ But, it didn’t.”

Not only did her step-brother burn their home down, he would chase her around the house with scissors. There was no stability in her family life, even after her family soon shrunk to just two again. This made her unsure of herself and led her to marry early; to another person unfamiliar with a stable, loving family. Not surprisingly, not long into this marriage, she abandoned it and soon found the bottom of her self-esteem. 

She took a long, deep breath, exhaled and continued her monologue, “My life has been a long, arduous process spanning nearly four decades, but I can honestly say I have learned to stop hating myself, and I’m learning how to replace it with love and compassion for myself. Now I see a one-of-a-kind, perfectly imperfect masterpiece, me.”

Stacie went on to say that she, “knows her story is nothing out of the ordinary. I could find you thousands, or even millions, of examples of people who, like me, have learned to love themselves over time.” 

So, why is she willing to share her story?  It’s because of the perspective she’s acquired while going through her years-long journey.

“We need to love ourselves, right now, no matter our flaws!” 

Stacie likens life’s journey toward self-love to tending a garden of roses, “it is up to each person to cultivate beauty from within.” 

“No one else on this earth can do that for me. So, I will choose to do things that are good for my body, my health, and my soul. I will feed each of them, and watch them flourish and create the beautiful woman I am destined to be,” she admonished. 

Stacie still stood at the front of the room. She’s not physically commanding, but something distinguishes her. It’s noticeable, as is her message. It’s possible to love and care for yourself, while, at the same time, improving yourself, as if tending a garden of roses.

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