Remembering the Right Mix

“I learned that anyone could die quickly, without notice, for no reason.” - Phil Weed

 

Remembering the Right Mix

 

“I could only remember what had happened for the past three months!  I could only remember the people I had come into contact with over the previous three months!” Phil said, as we were sitting in Ditta Caffee.  I suspect that upon seeing us there, some thought we were simply there to eat their delicious, hand-made, fresh bagels and enjoy the hot & cold beverages of our choice in good company.  And, we were!  After all, they have the best bagels I’ve eaten outside of my old local, Leo’s, in downtown Manhattan.  And, that’s saying something about how good those bagels are!

 

Ditta Caffee is also a good, no, a great place to socialize with friends and cross pollinate with potential new friends.  That’s why Phil Weed and I were there.  It seems that friendships become something more substantial when a little breaking of bread takes place with another person.  Maybe that’s because it connects us through a taproot of commonality.  Everyone needs to eat!  So, why not do it together?  Food and people are a great combination of ingredients and I was hoping to discover Phil’s unique blend of staple of ingredients.

 

My friend Phil seems to have his own proprietary mixture of great living ingredients and I was anxiously awaiting for him to share his source.  And, I was in luck!

 

“I was in a skiing accident.”  He shared.  “I could not have imagined what it would be like to lose everything!  I don’t mean only the physical things.  I mean everything; the relationships, memories, a direction in and meaning for life!”

 

To say the least, this experience changed Phil right down to his fundamental foundation.  And, it gave him the chance to develop a strong moral compass in a way he never imagined.  This experience is why he began to focus on building lasting personal relationships with a healthy dose of compassion.  When he had fully recovered I’m sure he thought he was finished with that kind of life shaking growth.  But, it wasn’t to be!

 

A few years later, Phil and his wife lost one of their children in a sudden and unexpected way.  “It was such a dramatic experience that I quickly got to the point of not feeling as if I had anything else to give to anyone.  I learned that anyone could die quickly, without notice, for no reason!”

 

Looking at Phil across the table, through an outsider’s lens, as he recounted this experience, it was revealing to see how it guided him toward an intimate understanding of, as well as to embrace the reality of how fragile life is.  And, embrace it he has!  The first question I hear him ask others is, “What is it you need?  How can I help you?”  Then, he, in his own gentle way invites people into his circle so they can feel his tender embrace.

 

I know!  I have felt his embrace, even though he didn’t really know me when he reached out. He did so just so he could connect, support and heal.  He lives this special brand of compassion with others regularly, even if he has never met them and in many cases never will.  I’m sure he has forgotten countless good deeds of his employ, simply because he never tires of looking for and performing more acts of kindness.

 

“I could only remember what had happened for the past three months!  I could only remember the people I had come into contact with over the previous three months!” Phil said, as we were communing in Ditta Caffee.  I suspect that upon seeing us there, some thought we were simply there to eat their delicious, hand-made, fresh bagels and enjoy the hot & cold beverages of our choice in good company.  And, we were!  After all, they have the best bagels I’ve eaten outside of my old local, Leo’s, in downtown Manhattan.  And, that’s saying something about how good those bagels are!  And, I learned more about another kind of amnesia he has overcome.

 

Phil never loses sight of his core, unique ingredients for living an exceptional life.  Build strong, lasting relationships, always be compassionate, remember how fragile life is, and never tire of doing good to all people, all of the time.

Turn Your Lights on!

“Still no power as of early this am.”  - Richard Reaback

 

Turn Your Lights on!

 

My computer screen displayed a new electronic message from my friend Richard Reaback early this morning.  “Still no power as of early this am.” Richard.

 

I sat back in my chair, pondering.  “No power!”

 

There have been numerous events over the past few months that have made many of us feel as if we have no power and little hope.  In Richard’s case, He, his business, his town, in Connecticut, have literally been without power for the past few days, since they were battered by yet another hurricane-like tropical storm.  The storm flooded homes, businesses and did an amazing amount of wind damage.  And, this is only the latest event in a seemingly endless string of occurrences have ongoingly diminished our collective hope, belief and faith in our present and future.

 

“No power!”  I said again, to myself, as the electricity in my home flickered and then went out, just moments ago, while writing this, sitting at my desk, not long after reading Richard’s note.

 

Yes.  We have felt ostensibly powerless over the past few months as we’ve grappled with a pandemic, earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, drought, and riots.

 

Really! 

 

Then I chuckled as I recalled the note I received from my friend Jack Banks not three days ago.

 

“Still going straight to work and straight home. Been doing it for a few months now. Pretty boring life!” Jack reported as he checked in with me. Jack and his wife Somi, who live in South Korea, have, like the rest of us, had their lives turned upside down as a result of occurrences, out of their power to change.  My response to Jack?

 

“Boring seems good these days!”

 

It seems as if peace, hope and joy have abandoned us.  Yet, we are not powerless!  Perhaps the clicking sound of the electricity coming back on, combined with the start-up whirl of the ceiling fan in my home office, were the perfect catalyst to initiate a new-found appreciation of and belief in the power of the simple, dynamic and enduring ideals of Christmas.

 

I should have recognized it sooner!  As my friend Ralph Huddlestone continually drives this point home. Literally!  His automobile license plate reads, “Christmas.”

 

Like Ralph and the restored light from the LED lamp on my desk, when the power came back on today, we have an opportunity to radiate these ideals to all.  And, there is no better time to start than now.  Why wait for the traditional holiday season?

 

So, starting this very day, I’m turning the Christmas lights on at my home, and they’ll stay on as a beacon, broadcasting the ideals of peace, hope, belief, faith and love to all.  I invite you to join me in bringing these simple and dynamic ideals to light during our time of dimmed hope.

 

These ideals have the power to change all of us.  Every one!

 

Turn your Christmas Lights on tonight!

Beyond a Rope

“Maybe that’s why I’m still really tied to this place.” – John Wright

 

Beyond a Rope

 

“I was here when my Dad built every part of this house.”  John said to me as we stood in front of his childhood home.  “My dad would tie a rope around my waist and then to the chimney, so I could be on the roof with him as he installed the shingles!  Maybe that’s why I’m still really tied to this place!” 

 

John Wright’s parents have passed on now and John doesn’t live in the same city as his family home.  One would never know it!

 

The first thing I noticed, before we even entered the home, was the perfectly manicured front yard.  John lovingly keeps the grass trimmed and the flower beds filled with flowers.  There wasn’t one weed within sight of my eyes! 

 

The exterior of the home has the same similar, look of love.  It has fresh, bright, white paint on the outer walls, trimmed with an understated green.  It’s a nice contrast to the sleek, varied brown asphalt shingles that top its warm, inviting appearance.  It was all woven together to welcome us inside.

 

We entered the home through the conservatory, at the building’s rear.  Once inside, we stopped to admire the view of the pared yard and its expansive garden beyond the grass.  My eyes devoured the landscape right up to the Oquirrh Mountains to the east.

 

“I installed new up-down blinds, so we could enjoy the views and still have privacy.”  John said was we left the conservatory and sauntered into the kitchen and living area.  His eyes sparkled as we walked and talked.

 

John’s words filled the rooms with more than just sound.  It was as if the people and events he described materialized before my eyes.  Not as frightening ghosts from the past, but as fragments of love woven carefully, piece by piece over many years.

 

At the end of our time in John’s place, I was able to see the individual strands of those love-woven-pieces in his face and eyes.

 

“I was here when my Dad built this house.”  John said to me as we stood in front of the home of his youth.  “My dad would tie a rope around my waist and then to the chimney so I could be on the roof with him as he installed the shingles!  Maybe that’s why I’m still really tied to this place!”

 

No, John’s waist isn’t still figuratively attached to a rope, on the roof, to that chimney, connecting him to this home, this place.  Love-woven-pieces of enduring personal relationship have connected him, nourishing his heart forever.

 

Such ties of love go well beyond the strength of any rope!  What pieces are you weaving?

Piercing the Storm

A woman, a goat and a wheelbarrow.

Piercing the Storm

The winding road toward Soldier Canyon in Stockton, where it meets Alex Baker Memorial Park, delivers a magnificent valley and mountain view, in almost every direction.  And, on this July day, it was magnificent as well as a little terrifying.  In just moments, the sight shifted from the beauty of cloud-filtered-sunshine to dark, ominous clouds, punctuated by strobing streaks of lightening, gusting wind and driving rain.  It was enough to coax even the hardiest toward shelter.

Thank goodness for the safety and comfort of a car!  Rain pelted the windows.  Vibrations from the blustering wind rocked the car and the once, seemingly endless vista shrank in dramatic fashion.  All these signs suggested a retreat.

In this case retreat meant a departure from the exposed area and a drive back down the hill toward Utah Highway 36 through a quaint rural neighborhood.  A neighborhood with homes often sidled alongside barns and corrals dotted with horses, cows and goats.  On this squall enhanced drive, through blowing rain, most resident animals were scarce, as they hid within the protection offered them.  It was seemingly the common choice during this storm.  Yet, it was not the choice for all.

Just ahead on the left was a woman, a goat and a wheelbarrow headed toward making the consensus decision.  She, the woman, held the handles of the wheelbarrow, one in each hand.  She walked forward, pulling the trolley, filled with hay, behind her.  This part of the sight didn’t bring a smile to my face, as it was not unusual.  But, a smile was about to spread across my face, as soon as my eyes drifted a little more to the left.

I saw two legs, covered in hair and tipped with hooves, supposedly positioned to push the wheelbarrow forward, as if helping the woman.  I had to look a little harder through the rain covered window when I was the sight!  Further inspection revealed the head, neck and front legs, of the goat, firmly inside the wheelbarrow, as the hind legs propelled the yearning creature onward, toward the transient food.

“Sometimes dinner can’t wait!”  I laughed to myself as I continued my drive.

The winding road away from Soldier Canyon in Stockton, where it meets Alex Baker Memorial Park, delivered more than a magnificent valley and mountain view, in almost every direction.  On this July day, it was magnificent, a little terrifying, and quite humorous.  In just moments, the sight shifted from the beauty of cloud filtered sunshine to dark, ominous clouds, punctuated by strobing streaks of lightening, gusting wind, driving rain, a woman, a goat and a wheelbarrow. 

It was enough to coax even the hardiest toward laughter.  And, it was enough to make me realize that even when storm clouds threaten and the world seems to be in complete commotion, we can all receive a retreat of joy, delivered from a simple, unexpected source.

An Un-inked Ledger

“There ought to be a way for us to tell those that had a huge impact on our lives how grateful we are to them.” – Randy Favero

An Un-inked Ledger

“He was one-hundred-three and nine months old,” Randy said, during a conversation just after the passing of his father.  “He had decided he wanted to make it to one-hundred-four.  Then, one day he told me that he’d had enough.”

Jim Favero was a fixture in the County Hills area of Ogden.  He had many facets.  One of the things he was best known for was his shoe store in Downtown Ogden, Favero’s Shoes.  Through the nineteen-sixties people in Ogden flocked there to get their shoes because of Jim.  Perhaps his customers could have purchased their shoes at other locations, including two large department stores present in the area then, but they went to Favero’s because of their relationship with Jim and his family.

He raised his family in the greater Ogden community.  They were active in people’s lives, doing good where ever they saw a need.  They had seemingly endless talent and hearts that spread love abundantly across town.  So much so, that there is no way one could ever complete a full ledger detailing all of the lives Jim and his family touched.  This one phone call to Randy Favero, was a gesture aimed at completing one small, albeit important, line in such an un-inked ledger.  It was a call of thanks and acknowledgement of a life well-lived life.

The ensuing conversation brought to mind a thought that, perhaps we, those continuing to swim in the time-bound now, too often miss the opportunity to speak words of thanks to those who have had immeasurable positive impact on our lives, before the sound of time’s ticking fades from the ears of our heroes.  And, one attempt to remedy this omission illustrates its rarity.

“Are you alright?  Are you putting your affairs in order?” Were the questions of immediate import from Jack and Maxine Young, two of Jim Favero’s contemporary big-hearted and love spreading fellow-heroes during such a purposed call.

A response of, “No, everything is just fine, I just wanted you to know.” Elicited laughter from both telephones engaged in the conversation.

Through two very different telephones, at a much different time, Randy echoed that laughter as a result of this shared story.  “There ought to be a way for us to tell those that had a huge impact on our lives how grateful we are to them.” He said.

“He was one-hundred-three and nine months old,” Randy also said, during a conversation just after the passing of his father.  “He had decided he wanted to make it to one-hundred-four.”

If you and I wait until we’re in our one-hundred-fourth year, almost one-hundred-three and nine months old, to give personal thanks to the most impactful souls in our lives, those who have helped us to become better, more loving people, while the ticking of the clock still sounds in warm ears, our un-inked ledger will never be filled!

Can you hear the ticking of a clock?

Random Good

Bovine Escapees

Random Good

A head first appeared through the slats.  Then a neck, followed by shoulders and front legs.  It was difficult to tell exactly what was happening in the beginning of it all.  Yet, the long sightline of white parallel vinyl slats, punctuated by vertical posts served to highlight that protruding head.  It was all right in a perfect line until that first head popped through.

The head was followed by the whole body.  And, in no time at all, more heads, shoulders, legs, tummies and tails walked through the now wide gap in the fence.  The whole heard of cows was on the move!  At first, they milled around the west side of the road eating the abundant plant life there.  As their numbers grew, the area outside the fence, where they roamed grew as well.

Of course, it was a calf who ventured to the road first.  She was curious.  You see, Hairy Pupper and I had walked up to the marauding herd.  The calf wanted to check us out, just as much as we wanted to check her out. And, check her back into the field where she belonged too!

We tried to coax the herd back through the gap in the fence.  But, It was just too much for one person and one small pup to do alone.  It seemed as if all we were accomplishing was to scatter the cows wider.  We needed help, but it was morning’s dawn, about 6:30 in the day’s early light!

I looked just past the end of the white grid, through the light’s inception, to see Tevita Tilini walking toward us and the disbursing herd.  Then, I looked to the north to see Maryann Tillery walking out of her driveway.  Soon, there were six humans and one little dog amassed and working together in an effort to corral the cows until “he” came.

His shoulders were huge, seemingly as wide as he was tall!  And, like all bulls, he walked with an air of confidence and command.  So much so that when he decided to break through our porous line, in a fierce trot toward the Oquirrah Mountains, his leadership was confirmed causing Tevita and I give chase through one field, right up to its eastern fence.  That’s where he turned north to walk right through an electric fence surrounding a herd of sheep.

The sheep scattered, as sheep do, and flocked together in a panicked run toward safety.  The bull ran in the opposite direction until he came to another side of the electric fence.  He’d learned his lesson when he crossed the electrified fence the first time, so he slowed, hesitated and hopped over the wires carefully so he could join the rest of his herd, his circle complete. 

Our human half circle was once again established and we slowly urged the herd through the gap in their home fence. 

A head first appeared through the gap.  Then a neck, followed by shoulders and front legs.  It was difficult to tell exactly what was happening in the beginning of it all.  Yet, the long sightline of white parallel vinyl slats, punctuated by vertical posts served to highlight that protruding head.  It was all in a perfect line until that first head popped through.

The head was followed by the whole body.  And, in no time at all, more heads, shoulders, legs, tummies and tails walked through the now wide gap in the fence.  The whole heard of cows was on the move!  At first, they milled around on the inside edge of their home field eating the abundant plant life there.  As their numbers grew, the area inside the fence, where they roamed grew as well.

We slid the fence slats back into place, talked for a few minutes and expressed gratitude for each other’s willingness to come to help.  It was a random group, doing one small, random act of good, just to help a neighbor in need. 

Participate in random acts of good!

The Snowball Incident

“Just ask him what I do to people who cross me!” – Jane Ann Henry

The Snow Ball Incident

It seemed strange to be talking about snow balls in July.  Yet, Jane Ann’s story was not really about a snowball at all.  It wasn’t about justice.  It wasn’t even about revenge.  It was about relationships.  Or, more accurately it was about relationship awareness.

“Just ask him what I do to people who cross me!”  Jane Ann said to the group of teenagers sitting in the Bureau of Reclamation Truck as they headed deeper into the Uinta Mountain’s Ashley National Forest, to work.

They were all participating in the Youth Conservation Corps for the summer.  That meant living together in long army surplus tents.  Boys in one tent and girls in another, where each person slept on a single cot-like-bed and had a confidentiality trunk sitting at the bed’s foot to store private, personal belongings.  They did and experienced everything together.

They ate their morning and evening meals in a huge “mess-tent” prepared by a camp chef.  And, each evening, members of the Corps would morph into faux sous chefs, under his direction, to prepare a sack lunch for each person to take, as their lunch, the next day.  Such was life, as a member of the camp, for an entire summer.

On this summer day, while bouncing along a rustic dirt road to complete a “slash” assignment at a recent logging site, Jane Ann Henry talked with her coworkers about what she had learned from her almost life-long relationship with “A-Boy-Next-Door.”

“We, and our families, were really good friends.”  She explained.  “Then, on a snowy winter’s day A-Boy-Next-Door threw a snowball at me and I was incensed!  So, I decided to teach him a lesson he would soon not forget.  I ignored him and didn’t speak with him for many years, so as to make him feel my pain a hundredfold.”

The truck bounced through the mud puddles deeper into the forest as she spoke to her truck-bound mates.  Then, the trees abruptly vanished to reveal branches strewn almost as far as the eye could see, in a newly created clearing where their ride stopped.  The boys and girls climbed out of the truck and began their work of gathering the branches and placing them into large piles, away from the surrounding, still-standing trees.  So, when the first snow came at the change of season, other rangers would come back to the site and burn the piles, clearing the ground for new trees to be planted the following spring.

“I guess my relationship approach when I was younger was a lot like what we’re doing here today.”  Jane Ann continue as she and her companions of the day carried branches to the burn piles.  “Slash and burn!”

She continued working, sharing and confiding.  “Then, many years later, I was put in a position where I was sort of required to work alongside That-Boy-Next-Door.  That’s when he asked, ‘Why have you been mad at me for all these years?’”

She emphatically threw a large branch on a pile, turned and said, “I was quite speechless!  He honestly had no idea what he had done; why I was punishing him!  That’s when I understood the value of the work we’re doing here at the logging slash site.”

It seemed strange to be talking about snow balls in July.  Yet, Jane Ann Henry’s story was not really about a snowball at all.  It wasn’t about justice.  It wasn’t even about revenge.  It was about relationships.  Or, more accurately it was about relationship awareness.

“Often times, we’re angry with our neighbor for some insignificant slight and they don’t even know why!  They honestly don’t know what they did!  When I came to understand this, I realized that when I had slashed and burned a relationship, I needed to take that next, spring, step.  I needed to plant and nurture new “relationship trees” in our shared forest so over time, our relationship would fully flourish again!”