Double-Sided-Wants

“Have you wondered why you have friends? “ - Mike Anderson

Double-Sided-Wants

Mike was standing at the front of a large room talking.  I was sitting in that room listening and getting continuing education credit at the same time.  Soon after Mike began, his presentation changed its purpose.  Well, not for the crowd gathered there, just for me.

“Have you wondered why you have friends? “ Mike asked.

Flash!  I was no longer listening to his words as if they were addressing the topic at hand.  I was listening to his words as well as rehearsing the words of my daughter not two days before.

“My friend Jessica thanked me for being so understanding last night.”  Annie reported to me after she had spent the evening before making dinner with her friend.

“You’ve been so understanding of how difficult my schedule has been since I started graduate school!  Between working full time and my schoolwork I haven’t been able to spend much friend time.  Not everyone is so understanding!”  Jessica said.

She had received a note from another friend a few days before.  It was a “howler,” complaining that she wasn’t spending enough time with the message writer and was no longer considered a good friend.  It has broken Jessica’s tender heart.

So, friendship was on my mind.  I repeated Mike’s question in my mind over and over again so I could begin to quantify friendship’s true basis.  It’s something we could all think about with regularity so we can become a better friend to those we treasure.  I’m sure you will be able to add to my thoughts; they aren’t a complete guide, and here are some things I noticed about Jessica’s model of friendship:

She demonstrated true service.  When she wanted to express her friendship to Annie she did so by offering heart felt service, cooking dinner.  Providing service to another person without and intent to receive something in return is the first principle of friendship.  We just do things for those we care about, because we want to.  And, want is double sided.

Second, we want to do something for our friend, and we spend time understanding what our friend really wants.  Friendship is an art of combining these two wants.  People are genuinely touched when they see that another person has true understanding and appreciation of what they want and who they are.

Third, Jessica “delivered” her friendship.  People who are friends spend time showing their care in specific ways designed to demonstrate a special relationship.  Perhaps we could all ask ourselves if we’re delivering both kinds of wants in a significant way to those we care about.

Fourth, significance implies real intent.  We all know when other people are sincere with their overtures.  Sincerity makes all the difference! One of my other friends calls this “being the genuine you.”  Isn’t that the kind of friend we all want to have?  Fulfilling two-wants is much different from being “two-faced!”

By the time my three hours of face-time with Mike were finished I was beginning to have a better understanding of what true friendship is and how it’s based on the principle of Double-Sided-Wants.  I’ll be thinking about friendship regularly now and in a different way than before.  I really want to be a good friend.