Wounded

Utah Gymnastics and a teen-aged boy

Wounded

Being on the competition floor, scoring at the vault, for University of Utah Gymnastics over the last seventeen years, or so, has allowed me to recognize many of opposition coaches.  So, on this Saturday afternoon meet in February, it was obvious that Oregon State University’s head coach, Tanya Chaplin was not with the team.  Her husband, and acting head coach, Michael Chaplin was there to guide the team so Tanya could heal at home.  And, a different assistant coach, one I didn’t recognize, handed me the team’s vault lineup for verification just before the Beaver’s queued to compete on the apparatus.  This, along with Tanya’s absence, tickled my mind with a question about how to help heal a young teen aged boy’s different kind of wound, when I recognized it earlier in the week in a much different setting.

I recognized the boy’s wound because when he entered his family’s kitchen, as I sat at the dining table talking and working with his mother, I was transported back to a time when I was about his same age.  Had I not been through the same type of familial upheaval and looked in the mirror, at my own face for many years since, I would not have recognized his deep pain.  I knew he had little chance of healing at home as Coach Chaplin was doing. 

“What a contrast to Tanya Chaplin’s home-based, physical healing process!”  I thought to myself as I closely observed Oregon State Beaver after Beaver launch successfully over the vault.

For far too many in our community, home is not a place of healing.  Some only know their home as a place of deep emotional pain.  I as one of those in the early years of my life.  I mention it to you, only because I desire to give others, of similar circumstance, hope that there is the possibility of being healed from their unseen emotional wounds.

No.  I have not fully healed.  But, I look forward to the day when I will be.  And, I wanted to share some of what I’ve learned through my years of progression with you.

First, there are others, outside of your family that will offer you shelter and love if you’ll look for them and accept their help.  Jack and Maxine Young were such surrogate parents for me.  I’ll never forget the sincere look on their face and the love in their voice as they said, “There is always dinner for you at our table!  You are not alone!”  I have loved them, and will love them, for the rest of my life as a result of their goodness!

Second, another man, Rex C. Reeve, sat across from me in a private office a few short years later, after having reviewed my family history and said, “You’ve been through hell!  But you can be anyone you want to be here!”  Then, he was a sterling example for me to emulate and talk with, whenever I needed his friendship and guidance.  He was there for, and was the minister who officiated the marriage ceremony which initiated the start of my new family. 

Know that great people will come into your life, at the right time, to show you a new way forward and to help you along your way, if you’ll look for them and have a little patience for them to show up in your life, just in the nick-of-time.  You can count on it!

Finally, a few years ago I visited with another friend whose wife had just left him and ended their marriage.  It made a difference to him for me to say, “I understand your pain because my own family disintegrated when I was a teenager.”  Just knowing that I understood and had experience-based empathy made a difference for him.  It somehow allowed him to not feel so alone and lost in his otherwise private pain.

He replied with, “I knew there was something different, special, about you!”

After that connection moment, we counseled together many times.  We shared and compared our feelings and experiences.  We were in it together!  Our friendship will never end.

So, if you’re wounded, remember these three things!  People outside of your broken family have love and shelter to offer you.  There are great people that will come into your life to be an example and mentor you.  Finally, your pain can be used to the benefit of others.  Use it to help heal the wounded that come into your life.

The Oregon State Beavers, the team with their head coach healing at home, competed very well during this particular Saturday afternoon in February gymnastics meet.  I watched firsthand as they hit the vault with their hands, launching themselves to great heights.  Every one of them landed safely and successfully!  No.  That isn’t always the case.

But, I promise the wounded, who are reading this, that they can vault their lives to greater heights, because of the goodness of others surrounding them, while combining their own empathy and experience to benefit those wounded by similar circumstance.